Longer Live the King
by dorky-things
Summary: King Simon and Queen Helena have lost their eldest son and all control of the rest of their royal family. The king wants to abolish the monarchy. Have they also lost their feelings for each other somewhere along the way? How would their story continue if they had chosen love? ... Starts during episode 6 of season 1.
1. Chapter 1

"There was a time when you were actually happy to see me."

"There war a time when you would have brought me flowers."

He stopped, turned around and looked at her. The queen looked back at him, equally surprised at what she just said. Indeed... she remembered now.

Many years ago, when she was pregnant with the twins, he had also gone on a trip to Toronto. Toronto, of course... She knew that! How could she have come up with Fiji? Anyway... He had gone on a trip to Toronto, and she had stayed in London due to the fact that she measured about two meters in diameter and the doctor feared she might burst any second. Simon had not wanted to go, but matters were urgent. He was so afraid he would miss the birth, and so happy to learn he came back home in time. That day, a bouquet of roses and lilies the size of her own enormous belly entered her private chamber, followed by her husband wearing a beaming smile. And boy, was she happy to see him...

This was long ago, and times had changed. Even though... she was still happy to see him. The realization started as a whisper, a small flame inside of her, but it quickly grew stronger, until it hit her like an entire orchestra. She had missed him.

She lowered her gaze when she realized that they were still both silently staring at each other and looked at the daisy chain in her hands. She thought about last night... About him. Her true love. And then she couldn't help but look up at the kind again. Her breath caught when she saw him turn away and head towards the door without another word. She didn't know why she felt that way all of a sudden. She just knew that she absolutely didn't want him to leave right now.

Flowers... He had always used to bring her flowers, that was true. But that was long ago. Especially that one time when he had come back from... wasn't it also Toronto? She was pregnant with the twins and just about to give birth so she hadn't been able to join him. When he was back, he brought her the biggest flower bouquet London's best florist could put together. The best and biggest for his queen.

That she was for so many years. His queen. He would've done anything for her. Sure, she still was a queen. But more often than not he didn't recognize her anymore. She was right there in front of him, as beautiful as she ever was, or maybe even more... She was a goddess in human form, an epiphany of elegance and a role model to so many. But she had become a stranger to him.

Did she even remember that day when he came back from his trip and brought her flowers? Could they ever go back to how things were, long, long ago, at the very beginning? Did they still have a chance as a couple, as a family, even if one day they'd really not be the king and queen anymore?

Truth was, he had no way of knowing anymore what went on inside her head. He sighed and turned around as this thought was weighing heavily on his heart. There was nothing more to say.

Suddenly, he heard the soft sound of a chair scratching over the carpet, followed by quick steps on high heels coming right at him. And before he could turn around, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself against his back.

"Don't go!", she whispered, "Please..."

Her deep voice brushed against his ear and sent a shiver down his spine. But most of all, it sounded desperate, lonely, pleading.

"Tell me about Toronto. Or... whatever. But just... stay with me!"


	2. Chapter 2

Intuitively he turned around and pulled her close to hold her. He inhaled the smell of her hair, this sweet freshness, still the same scent as when he had hugged her for the very first time half a lifetime ago. The same scent that usually took his breath away every single time. But now he was worried. He couldn't remember an emotional outburst like this since her last pregnancy. Or maybe never...

"Are you okay, darling? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Everything!" She raised her head to look at him, her eyes almost overflowing with tears. "Robert... the twins, your brother, the referendum... us. Our family... It's all too much... All at once. It's all too loud. Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning, and my head's about to burst. I try to swim as hard as I can. But I just keep sinking.

I'm really trying, Simon! Even though none of you want to see it. Even though, everyone thinks I'm just some kind of manipulative bitch lusting for money and power. Well, maybe I am. But I'm doing it for us! For our family. I only want the best for us. I want to make it alright again."

He sighed: "It has never been alright, Helena."

"I know", she nodded, "Oh, I know. But... it can be, one day... can't it?"

He sighed again, closed his eyes and placed a gentle kiss onto her forehead.

"Let's get away from here."

She frowned and shook her head. "I beg your pa... What?!"

"I don't have any further appointments for the weekend. Or at least none that couldn't be postponed. And I think you don't either. The children are in Monaco, you said. I think we too deserve a bit of time away from it all, you and I. Don't we?"

She understood what he meant, and usually she would have strongly disagreed. They were the King and Queen on England! They weren't here to travel the world and have a good time. But right now, she really needed nothing more than a good time. Away from it all, and as far as possible. She smiled.

"But where do you want to go? The children took the plane."

"Then I guess we'll go by car. Or by boat."

Her smile got even bigger as she realized his intentions. "I'll go pack!"

She gave him a quick kiss and headed for her dressing room. He sighed, then couldn't help but smile. "I'll get the car ready in the meantime. Just make sure you go unnoticed! I would greatly appreciate no security detail around for once..."

Semi-randomly she put some clothes and cosmetics into the smallest bag she could find. Even though she couldn't even remember the last time she packed her bags herself, it was not as hard as she might have thought! For once, she didn't care what she would wear and if her make up was impeccable. She knew that where they were going, it didn't matter. Least of all it mattered to her husband. Furthermore, the less she would look like the Queen of England, the better the chances of not being recognized and disturbed.

She was just trying to fit one last pair of shorts into her bag when she heard a knock on the door.

"Come in, please!", she said, thinking it would be Simon telling her that the car was ready.

Instead, someone else entered, looking as flawless as ever in his black suit and tie, and cleared his throat. With a deep nod of his head he greeted her: "Your Majesty..."

"Jasper from Shortage!" She didn't try to hide her surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

He seemed a bit confused. "I believe Your Majesty ordered me to be transferred as her personal security detail. Or so I have been informed by Mr. Pryce."

Now she remembered. Biting her lower lip, she thought about her initial plan behind this transfer. She had seen the way this boy had looked at her daughter. More importantly, she had seen the way her daughter looked at him. And she didn't trust him. She couldn't say why. It was just a funny feeling.

Sure, he was handsome. More than handsome. And on another day, under different circumstances, she would not have said no to an opportunity like that. But right now, she just wanted her husband.

She sighed: "I'm deeply sorry, there must have been some kind of misunderstanding. You're already guarding the gorgeous body of my daughter, aren't you, bodyguard? So I suggest you use the time until her return analyzing how come that this body is in Monaco right now while yours is here."

He blushed a little and began to stammer: "I... I'm deeply sorry, Your Majesty, it was..."

She cut him off with a move of her hand. "Don't you worry, I know my daughter just as well as you, better even, I shall hope. Still... I have no use of you right now. You can inform Mr. Pryce. Now walk away!"

He bowed and turned to leave, then he saw the packed bag on the divan. He frowned, and out of caution after the princess had already slipped through his fingers, he forgot that one should never ask the queen any questions. "Are you going away?"

She felt caught, like a little school girl, and embarrassingly tried to hide the bag. "No, I'm not", she replied, "I'm... just sorting out a few things... My closet..."

Then she remembered that, actually, one should never ask the queen any questions. She straightened up, put on her most seductive but devious smile and said: "Listen, bodyguard. I have a feeling you're starting to stretch your competence here. A man who doesn't even manage to keep a 20-year old under control. Now, as I said, better walk away, Jasper from Shortage."

Obediently, he cast down his eyes and left her to it. A mere twenty minutes later, she had escaped the palace, miraculously unseen, through the tunnels and sat next to her husband in a rather shabby looking, ordinary Ford Fiesta, on their way towards another reality, a universe where nothing and no one existed but them.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was already setting as they stood at the rail of the ferry boat. They made sure to keep their distance to the other passengers, even though nobody seemed to have recognized them so far. Which was not even that surprising given the way they looked, so much unlike the image of their king and queen that people were used to.

She was dressed in a sweater jacket, a pair of blue jeans, sneakers, and her hair was tied up in a bun. He was wearing a dull black coat and a cap. It felt adventurous. And hopelessly romantic. Escaping from the palace in disguise to seek their secret hiding place they had last visited more than twenty years ago.

After their wedding, they had gone on an 'official' honeymoon for the media and paparazzi on the Seychelles. Then they went on their real honeymoon to the island of Jersey in the English Channel just off the French coast. Unpretentious yes, and initially she had given his idea a sniff. But in the end, those were the most magical days. For a moment, they had just been Simon and Helena, two newlyweds trying to figure out how their future together would look like.

His arms were wrapped around her as he stood behind her, shielding her from the fresh evening wind, both gazing into the water that was slowly turning black as night fell.

"I can't believe we're going back there", she whispered.

"I know..."

"After all these years!"

"They will be very happy to see you again."

She turned her head to look at him. "Just me?"

He nodded.

"I don't understand... Have... Have you been back there?"

He sighed: "Yes."

"Without me?"

"Yes. Alone."

She couldn't believe what he was telling her. "But when?"

"The last time was about six weeks ago."

"What?" She turned around in his embrace to look at him more closely. "The last time? How often have you been there since our honeymoon?"

He tried to remember. "I don't know. Maybe... ten or twelve times?"

"TWELVE? And always alone?"

"Yes, Helena. Not what you may think..."

"But why?"

"For the same reasons we're going there right now. To breathe. In times where everything seems to collapse. To get away from it all. From the pressure, the public, the press. The craziness around the children. My brother and... other things."

He closed his list and she gave him a look, apologizing but thankful that he didn't name what they both knew was on his mind. "You." She was aware that more often than not, especially in the past few years, she had made his life a living hell. Sometimes she wondered why, as much as he disliked having to keep up appearances in front of his people and the entire world, he hadn't divorced her yet.

She raised her hand and gently stroked his cheek, the short stubble of his beard tickling her fingertips. "You're a good man, Simon. You're a good father. And I know you can also be a good husband... if I let you."

"Well, lately you've been neither a good wife, nor a good human being in general and least of all a good mother," He took her hand in his and looked her in the eyes, "But I know that that's not the real you. This... in front of me right now, this is the real you. And I'd love to take this woman back to London with me in two days. Because this is the woman I love."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She didn't even mind that the other passengers could see them. It was the first time in all those years that they kissed like this in public. Even right after their wedding on the balcony of Buckingham Palace she had only allowed the people to see a quick but gentle peck on the lips. For a monarch, public display of affection was a sign of weakness that should be suppressed under any circumstances.

But he was right. That was not her. This was the real her, even though she had almost forgotten this version of herself. And the real her wanted to kiss him right here, right now. And she didn't give a shit.


	4. Chapter 4

Note from the author:

First, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone for reading and enjoying this story so far, and for writing such nice comments :-)

I'm glad to see there are more people interested in this partnership than just me! How much I will stick to what really happens on the show or not, I'm actually not quite sure myself yet. Let's see where it goes. I hope you'll like it anyways. Have fun with the next chapter!

It was only a short fifteen minute drive from the harbor to the boardinghouse between the beach and the woods at the end of a small fishing village. Simon had loved the small island ever since his first visit as a young prince ages ago. The fresh air, the food, the simple, sincere and genuine people and of course the beautiful nature with its green fields, rugged cliffs, sandy beaches and surprisingly blue water that the British coast could only dream of.

The boardinghouse looked just like she remembered it. A quaint little cottage that offered only three rooms. Simon always booked all three of them to guarantee his privacy.

Ever since, it was run by Paul and Laura, a couple barely older than themselves. In fact, the faces of their friendly hosts were the only signs that over twenty-four years had passed since Helena had been here the last time. Everything else looked exactly the same, as if she had never left.

They greeted their new arrivals in front of the door and welcomed the King of England with a cordial hug. A bit bewildered by this approach, Helena got out of the car and immediately received the same gesture by Laura.

"Your Majesty... Helena! How good it is to see you again. You look... incredible! Barely a year older than last time."

She checked the face of the other woman. Indeed, it was apparent that as a queen you must have access to a different sort budget and connections to brush up your appearance than the common people. Still, even surrounded by wrinkles, Laura's eyes were glowing happily.

"Thank you", Helena replied, "It's good to see you too. It's been a while."

"Indeed, it has..."

Her husband bowed before the queen, took her hand and kissed it gently. Not knowing that the kiss should merely be suggested, and the lips shouldn't actually touch the skin. But anyway. It was the intention that counts.

"Paul! You flatter me."

He smiled proudly. "Well, it's not every day that we have a queen staying in our humble establishment."  
"In fact. At least a queen seems to be less common than a king."

Laura ignored the sting between those lines and just kept smiling. "Oh yes, we're always happy to welcome Simon in our house. And we feel honored that he always comes back here while he could probably go anywhere in the world."

By now, Paul was not smiling anymore but looking rather sad. "My condolences... We're so sorry about Robert."

"It's absolutely horrible," Laura added and comfortingly stroked Helena's arm, "What a tragedy."

Then she realized something and turned to the king. "Does... she know?"

He uncomfortably stroke his head and stammered: "No... I'm... afraid I forgot to tell her."

"Tell her what?", Helena asked.

Laura gave her an apologizing look. "We got another child... a boy. He's five now. And... we called him Robert."

She felt as if she had been hit in the stomach and became weak in the knees. "Oh... I see."

Simon placed his arm around her waist to support her. "I should've told you before. I'm sorry."

"No, no!", she appeased him, "It's alright. He's not the first boy named Robert I've come across since his passing. And he's not going to be the last. It's all about learning how to live with it."

"For what it's worth," said Paul, "he looks nothing like your son. But don't worry, we'll see to it that he won't bother you too much. I'm sure you came here to forget."

The king shook his head. "On the contrary... We came here to remember."

Their hosts didn't quite seem to understand him, but they smiled nevertheless.

"Now, come on in!", said Laura, "I hope you're hungry, dinner's waiting."

The dining room, which was the living room at the same time, was cozy and inviting. A small fire was crackling in the hearth, and soft jazz music was playing in the background. Just like last time...

Also, just like last time, a few toys were scattered around the floor, making the room come alive. Paul's and Laura's oldest daughter must've been around five years as well back then, the younger girl had been a toddler of two. So now they got another boy. Helena was astonished.  
"You have a son of five?", she asked Laura who shrugged with a shy smile.

"I know what you're thinking. We were thinking exactly the same, believe me! I was fourty-five when I got pregnant, almost fourty-six. We thought the doctor was joking, but he wasn't. It's a miracle, he said. At first we didn't know what to do. We weren't sure we could handle it. But now we're so thankful... He's a true blessing."

The queen smiled and again felt a sting in her heart. She missed her children so much! Her babies... Sure, she saw them almost every day. But even when they were sitting right next to her, it felt as if they were half a world apart. Would they ever come back to her? Could she ever stop pushing them away? Would they ever understand?

And Robert... For him it was too late. Her son. Her firstborn. She would never see him again, never hear his voice, never hold him. She hadn't even able to say goodbye. And tell him one last time how much she loved him. The only thing left to her was the hope that he knew anyway.

All of a sudden, she felt nauseous. She was hungry, and the dinner they had prepared smelled truly amazing. But right now her throat felt tight and she had trouble breathing. God bless her husband, he knew exactly what was going on.

"Are you alright, darling?", he said and gently stroked her back, "You look a little pale. Maybe we should skip dinner tonight. It was a long trip."

Paul said quickly: "Oh, of course! We understand. Why don't you take a bit of bread and soup upstairs to your apartment? You should never go to bed without dinner. Just go on up, everything is already prepared. I'll be right there!"

They wished Laura a good night and headed up the stairs to the attic, large and spacious and warmly furnished and decorated to make all their guests feel right at home. From the window next to the bed, they could see the sea.

They had barely entered the room when they heard a knock on the door. Paul had brought a tray with two bowls of a hearty potato soup with bacon, a small loaf of freshly baked bread, still warm, and a bottle of cider. And then they were alone.

They enjoyed their dinner without many words. And still the thoughts about Robert and all the memories of good old times that came to them within these walls made them feel closer and more intimate than they had been in a long time.

One deep look into each other's eyes, one shy touch of a hand, a gentle kiss, and as soon as they lay down on the bed they were drowning in each other's arms as if it was the first time. It was so long since they had last been together as husband and wife. How she had missed him. To feel him. His touch... His body... She almost felt shy thinking that she was sleeping with the King of England. Like the young woman who once fell for his charm. Or the young bride who was seduced by him right here in this bed so many years ago. It felt so strange, new and exciting, and so confident and reassuring at the same time. Her king. Her husband. Her lover. Her life.


	5. Chapter 5

They spent one day, one night and another day just as they had envisioned it: not like a king and queen, but like a man and a woman living the easy life. Getting up in the morning, preparing breakfast together with their hosts, baking bread and getting their eggs directly from the chicken shed. Then they would tour the island, from one hidden beach or cliff with a breathtaking view to the next. The weather was lovely, sunny and warm, but not as chokingly hot as it could get in London sometimes. And by nightfall, they had almost surrounded the entire island to arrive back at their home for the weekend. As usual, their hosts were lovely, especially little Robert was incredibly sweet. Bittersweet, that is, of course.

Their last evening they spent at the beach. Simon had made a small bonfire, they enjoyed a nice bottle of French red wine and looked out into the black sea while listening to the soft and steady sound of the waves and lying in each other's arms. For a while, they didn't speak a word. Then Helena said, without thinking about it: "I wish we could stay... and wouldn't have to go back."

Simon whispered in her ear: "We don't have to, you know. We could stay here. For as long as we want. We can be whatever we want and do whatever we want. And our children can too."

She sighed and turned her head to look at him. "Please, Simon... Stop!"

"No. I won't. Sooner or later, we have to talk about this. We have to agree on this. Otherwise it'll drive us apart forever. As it almost had already..."

"I understand you. I really do! And you know what? In some way I even agree with you. But you know what? Even if it sounds brave, what you're trying to do is the coward's way out. It's giving up. You think it would save us, save our children, but it wouldn't. On the contrary. At least now they have people protecting them."

"That didn't save Robert."

"Exactly. He didn't have this protection when he died. It was a military accident. Like it could happen to anybody. I miss him so much... every day. Don't think that I don't. But I know that us giving up everything he lived for would not be what he'd have wanted."

"How do you know?"

She looked him deep in the eyes. "Because I'm his mother."

"I beg your pardon, but that's not helping you very much with Liam and Eleanor, is it?"

She bit her lower lip and finally turned away. Her husband, fearing that he had gone too far, stroked her arm. "I'm sorry... But... I'm worried about you. About your relationship with the twins. You need to be better to your children. They rely on you, they look up to you and take you as an example. After all... You ARE their mother."

Suddenly exhausted, she sank against his chest and whispered. "I know... I'm so sorry. For everything. If they could only give me another chance. Even if for Robert... it's too late."

Simon gave her a gentle kiss to comfort her, then he couldn't resist a smile and attempted to lighten the mood. "Robert... He's cute, isn't he? The little one..."

She had to smile too. "Yes, he is."

"What a story... Just imagine! Another child after all those years."

She nodded. As she didn't seem inclined to answer, he added: "What if this would happen to us? Another chance to make everything right?"

She froze for a second, hesitated, then straightened up and looked at him. "You mean... If we had another baby?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

She somehow looked sad and full of pity. He wasn't sure if she felt pity for herself or pity for him for coming up with this idea. "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"

"It wasn't too late for Laura and Paul."

"She was fourty-five, she said. A biological miracle, almost, at that age. And even though I try to not look like it, I'm fourty-seven now, you may remember. It's sweet of you to even suggest this. I'm not a medical expert, but I'm afraid our time, in this sense, is over. All we can do now is try and make the best of what... or rather who we have right now."

He pulled her closer and kissed her again, longer this time. As their lips parted, he decided that this was the right moment, the moment he had been waiting for for years. It was now of never.

"Can I ask you something? Something I've been wondering for a while now... every day."

She frowned in confusion but quickly replied: "Yes, of course!"

One more deep breath, then he said it: "Are they really my children? I mean... biologically?"

She looked as if she had been shot in the stomach. For a few seconds that felt like minutes, she didn't move at all. Then she exclaimed in a slightly too shrill tone: "What?!"

"I believe you heard me just fine. Please... Don't try to lie about it. You owe me and yourself at least that bit of honesty. And him too... Of course I know about you and Captain Lacey. I've known for years."

She stared at him, speechless, as tears welled up in her eyes. This weekend, being with him had been so wonderful, so full of love, it had been magic. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he destroying everything, every bit of hope she may have had? Why now? And most importantly...

"How do you know?"

"Oh, come on, Helena. It's been how long... thirty years? For longer than I've even known you."

She felt caught, disgraced and deeply humiliated. She couldn't even look at him anymore. She had always wondered how this moment would be. When he'd finally find out or indeed confront her about her infidelity. Now that this moment had arrived, it hit her much harder than she could have ever imagined.

She tried to back away but he held her tight and wouldn't let her go. "I don't want to hurt you, Helena. I don't want to send you away. If I had wanted to leave you because of this, divorce you or make a scene and play the betrayed husband, I would have done so long ago. I learned to live with it, I even managed to accept it after a while, and cherish the time I had with you. I just want to know the truth. So... are they?"

The serenity in his voice almost shocked her. And took away every bit of strength she might have left in her body.

"Robert was...," she whispered, "He was probably conceived on this very island."

He nodded. "And the twins?"

She sighed and finally brought herself to tell him the truth. "I don't know."

He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes for a moment. Somehow he had always known. And yet it still felt like a merciless stab in his heart. Not one... plenty! But he could sense that she didn't feel much better.

"I know there's nothing I can do to make you forgive me, but... I'm so sorry, Simon! I was trying, always, but... Maybe, if you live with that kind of pressure as we do... and you know just as well as me that things haven't always been love, peace and harmony between us. And maybe, you just need a way out, every once in a while."

He sighed. "Maybe... But I want you to know, and not for being smug about it or judgemental, just honest... I want you to know that I have always been faithful to you, Helena. I've never been with another woman. Never. In all those years."

She gave him a look that he couldn't quite make out. Was she surprised? Or not surprised? Most likely she felt more deceived by him now than she would've if he had really cheated on her.

"Not physically, maybe," she said, "But in your mind you have. I know it."

He took her hand and kissed it devotedly. Then he looked her firmly in the eyes. "I know we will never be each other's first choices. But after all, we're here right now. Together. And we can still be each other's last choices."

She finally couldn't hold back her tears anymore and wrapped her arms around him. She felt devastated and relieved at the same time. He held her for a while and gently stroked her back.

Eventually, she was able to talk between her sobs. "I'm tired of having to choose one way of life or the other. I don't want to choose a man. I want to choose love!"

She pulled away, slightly, to look at him. "Love for the man I already have. Love for my husband. I want to choose you, Simon. Monarchy or not, I don't even care. But give your son a chance, I beg you. Biological or not... He remains your son. And he has a shot at greatness, I can see that. Give Liam a chance, that's all I ask of you! And... please give me a chance, even if I don't deserve it anymore. But I want to be with you. I want you!"


	6. Chapter 6

With a whooshing sound the newspaper landed right in front of her face. "Have you read the news today?"

She turned around, looking at her brother in disbelief as if she wanted to reply 'When do I EVER read the news?' Then, slowly, a smirk appeared on her face and she eagerly grabbed the newspaper. "Let me see!"  
The front page however was a disappointment. No word about their Monaco escapades, let alone a picture. Not that the press didn't know! She'd already seen enough articles, tweets and messages about it online. But the "Daily Mirror" apparently found another topic more noteworthy. They showed a kissing couple on the front page, a pretty bad quality paparazzi shot, and a second one, a little smaller, showing the same couple walking hand in hand along a beach, both beaming smiles. She gasped when she finally recognized them.

"Wait, is that... Mom and Dad?!" She looked up from the paper and looked at Liam.

He just smiled. "Looks like it."

She read the text below 'So romantic! So much in love! King Simon and Queen Helena take some much needed time for each other after Prince Robert's tragic death.'

She pulled a face in slight disgust. "I can't even remember when I last saw them hugging each other. Let alone kiss."

He shrugged. "I think it's cute."

"Can you believe this?! Your girlfriend shot Ashok in the leg with a ceremonial bow... She showed her tits to half of Monaco and I made out with a hot, sexy and most of all married English nobleman in the pool... And still, even now she manages to steal our headlines?"

He erupted laughing. "Are you serious? Mom and Dad finally have a happy moment together, and you're mad about it?"

"Oh, come on! I'm sure Mom only did this for the paparazzi. She probably invited them herself."

He sighed and shook his head. Then it was time for landing.

When they got off the plane, the press was already waiting, pushing and shoving around them, flashing their cameras and sticking microphones in their faces. The usual stuff. Only the questions were new.

"Your Royal Highness, have you seen the recent romantic pictures of your parents?"

"Prince Liam, will your parents look more favorably on your new relationship now that they're so much in love again themselves?"

"We haven't seen the king and queen this intimate in a long time, is this a consequence of Prince Robert's death?"

Eleanor didn't answer any of it. Neither did Liam. Furiously she crouched down in the limousine. She was not really looking forward to meeting her mother again, with all her fakeness and her lies. She was playing with her father's feelings, and Eleanor couldn't tolerate that.

But when they arrived back at the palace, their parents hadn't returned yet. They had spent the weekend on Jersey, they were informed. Very simple and basic. She was almost disappointed.

It was not until they were sitting together for dinner when the door opened and the king and queen entered, arm in arm and laughing out loud. He started tickling her and she squeaked, then he pulled her close and kissed her deeply. Eleanor and Liam watched speechlessly, they couldn't believe their eyes. Only then their parents noticed that they were not alone.

"Liam, Eleanor!", their father greeted them, "Good to see you're back!"

"You're eating very late", said Helena.

Her son explained: "We only arrived about two hours ago. We wanted to unpack first."

"Sorry we're disturbing your... teenage fantasies", Eleanor added sarcastically.

But her parents did not latch onto it.

"Did you have fun this weekend?", asked Simon.

Liam nodded. "You too?"

"Oh yes", he answered and lovingly smiled at his wife before kissing her again.

"I think I'm done eating", Eleanor proclaimed, got up from the table and left without another word.

Helena looked after her in concern. She'd thought that their children would be happy for them. And Liam might be. But her daughter... She sighed. It was just never as simple as you'd think with this one. She'd try and talk to her tomorrow.

For now, Lucius was paying her a visit when she was back alone in her room.

He bowed. "Your Majesty, it's good to see you back. I hope your trip has been recreative."  
"Thank you, Lucius! It has. And... sorry for sneaking out like that."  
"Don't worry, Your Majesty."

He could've left now, but he didn't. She saw that there was something else he wanted to tell her, but he seemed to have problems saying it. She was just hoping he'd spit it out eventually as she was heading for the royal bedroom to reunite with her husband and she disliked this delay.

"Is there anything else for tonight?"

"There is indeed. I received a letter for you. I believe you know where to find it."


	7. Chapter 7

A quick sorry that it took so long this time! Hope to be able to update sooner next time :-)

Enjoy!

A cold sweat crept up her neck. Yes, she knew where to find it. She also knew who it was from. And actually, she wasn't even surprised that he had sent it in the first place. Had he seen the pictures of her and Simon? This morning, the media had been plastered with them. And maybe even the day before. They had sure been hard to miss, even for someone as far from the tabloids as him.

She nodded: "Thank you, Lucius. That'd be all for tonight."

He left. For a moment she sat, helplessly, on the sofa, thinking about what to do. Part of her wanted to go immediately and read his letter, of course! Even if her heart had decided for her husband, the feelings for this man, the love of her life that he'd probably always be, didn't just disappear over night. But even though it had only been a few days ago that they had been together, it felt like an eternity for her. His eyes. Skin on skin. The subtle scent of daisies... Like a distant flashback of a different life.

She sighed. There was no way she could summon the strength to face this tonight. She had just come back from a magical and emotional weekend, full of moments that would change her life forever. Full of moments where there had only been her and her husband. And she had never thought back at the man who had been her secret lover for thirty years.

Right now, her heart was overflowing with love for Simon, her body was yearning for his embrace, and she didn't want this weekend to end any differently than this. Whatever Alistair had to tell her, it could wait until tomorrow.

But it was already too late. Her mind was fixed on this letter. Despite being safely wrapped in her husband's arms, she almost didn't sleep all night. What must Alistair have thought when seeing the pictures of his Helly kissing another man? Her husband, yes, but... still. Only two days after they had dreamed of running away together, starting a new life, far away from the crown, the palace, everything? Just like they had ever wanted.

But now it was different. It had only been two days, but those two days had changed everything. How could he know? She had to tell him. Being honest was the last thing she could do for him, honesty was what she owed to all those decades together, full of love, full of passion, full of hopes and dreams... but also without the slightest chance for a happy ending. He had to know it too, he had to!

Trembling, she sat down at her desk the next morning and stared at the bottom drawer. Her fingers touched the metal knob. She hesitated. She knew what would be written in this letter. She could feel the disappointment, the pain, the disbelief, the accusations, maybe. And she wasn't sure she was strong enough to read those words, especially not now. And why should she?

Whatever he had written, whether it was what she feared, whether he was telling her he was sick and tired of her and would leave her for good, or something completely different, a proclamation of eternal love maybe, begging her to come with him, to abandon her family – in truth, it did not matter. There was nothing he could say to make her change her mind, change her heart. At least, that's what she assumed. In any case, she didn't want to take the risk.

She let go of the drawer knob and reached for pen and paper instead. She began to write, in her unmistakable elegantly curved handwriting.

 _My dear Alistair, my love,_

 _To begin, I should tell you that I did not read your letter. I think I already know what you wrote. You're hurt. You're confused. You don't understand. And how could you?_

 _And even if that's not what you wrote, it sure is what you felt while writing it. Am I right?_

 _I want to explain. I have to explain. Even if I'm still lacking the right words to do so. In fact, I myself don't know exactly what happened. But something changed the day after the masquerade ball when Simon came back. I have been confused and torn apart for so many years. But suddenly, everything was clear. I knew what I had to do, I knew what I wanted._

 _For my family, my children, for my husband, for all he has done for me, for all he has so graciously accepted during our marriage, for his reputation, and yes, also for my own._

 _I love you, Alistair. And I always will. But I love my husband just as much. I may not always have been aware of this, but I do and always have. I will stay with Simon, I want to be with him. The past days I have been happier than I had been in a long, long time. For once, I have to take care of myself._

 _I will never forget you, my love. I will remember the days, as few as they have been, the daisies, the pebbles. There was a time when we could have been together. But this time is long gone. And I can only hope that you understand. I beg you to not contact me anymore, nor to come here ever again. It's for the better, for both of us, for all of us._

 _It's with a heavy heart that I'm writing these lines. But I owe you the truth, you and the past thirty years. You deserve better than me. And I hope you can move on and find true love, someone who will be there for you, only you, and by your side always, forever. In another life, my dear, we will meet again. And this someone may be me._

 _For now, let me tell you goodbye. And once again, I love you, Alistair. I always have. I always will._

 _And I'm sorry, for everything._

 _Goodbye._

 _Helly_

It took her all morning to write this letter. In the end she folded the paper with shaking hands and sealed the envelope with a drop of red wax, boasting her personal sigil. She called for Lucius and handed him the letter without saying a word. He understood.

Before he left, she asked: "Is my daughter already awake?"

She hadn't failed to notice the disgusted, hateful, angry looks Eleanor had given her last night before she stormed off from the dinner table.

Helena had taken care of the first of her problems, now it was time for the next one.


	8. Chapter 8

"Piss off, mom!", she shouted when she heard the knock on the door.

Slowly, she puffed a cloud of sweet smoke towards the ceiling. The door opened.

"I guess, I can come in then."

She sat up and glared angrily at the intruder.

"Is that your way of apologizing for playing me, sneaking out and almost costing me my job?"

"That was my way to say thank you for blackmailing me without really blackmailing me and in general for fucking with my life. Actually, that goes for my mother too."

"Apology accepted."

"Shut up, Jasper! Go away! You see right now I'm in no danger of being attacked, raped or abducted by aliens. I'm actually surprised they let you keep your job. Disappointed, even. Ted Pryce really isn't what he used to be since his wife died."

"You're talking bullshit." He dared to take a few more steps inside the room towards the bed where she was lying. His facial expression didn't change, but the tone of his voice did to a softer, more caring one when he added: "What's up? What happened in Monaco?"

She threw her joint at him and he could barely dodge it in order to not get a stain on his impeccable black suit. With a small step to the right, he extinguished it right in the center of the Victorian rug.

"I had a drug orgy, three hours of sex in the jacuzzi, I got pregnant and took part in an illegal car race. Drunk and high, of course... It's none of your fucking business what happened in Monaco! That's why I made sure you're not there."

"Must've been a nice weekend then. Sorry to have missed it."

She ignored his sarcastic remark. "And anyway, you know that's not what I'm mad about right now."

"What is it then?"

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you haven't noticed... My parents, for Christ's sake! Or my mom, to be more exact, that egocentric, ruthless, scheming bitch."

"I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"The way she's playing my dad is disgusting! It makes me sick... And he's stupid enough to let her. I can't stand to see him suffer like this."

"I saw the king and queen in the East Gallery today. He put his hand on her bottom and seemed to be quite enjoying himself."

She sighed. "Of course he's not suffering yet, you idiot! He doesn't realize it yet. Even though he should know her longer and better than any of us. She wants to trick him into dropping the idea of the referendum, to give her what she wants, and she's using her looks, her body and sex to get it. It's despicable. And I won't let it happen. I'm going to make an end to this farce."

He opened his moth in order to reply to her evaluation of women using sex to get things their way. But he changed his mind before he could utter a word.

She moved to sit on the edge of the bed and leaned towards the table to grab her bong and stash. She hadn't only wasted her last weeks and countless tears and thoughts on him, but also her last joint. Still, she looked up at him, her eyes immediately being caught by his. "She's going to break his heart, Jasper."

Another knock on the door broke the silence. "Eleanor?", she heard her mother's voice, "May I come in?"


	9. Chapter 9

"For God's sake, is this my room or a public administration office? What does everybody want from me? Leave me alone!" She glanced at Jasper and added: "You too!"

"Eleanor, I need to talk to you", boomed again the voice through the door.

Jasper nodded. "I'm going to leave the two of you. I believe you indeed need to talk."

Her turned around and opened the door. The queen was only mildly surprised to see him.  
"Oh hello, bodyguard! So good to see you. May I have a word with my daughter, please?"

"Of course, your Majesty."

He held the door and let her enter, then he gave the princess one last encouraging look and left.

Helena stood in the middle of the room, seemingly unsure of what to say or do next. Her daughter stared at her in her usual, hostile way, not necessarily making things easier for her.

She looked at the table and briefly took notice of Eleanor's assortment of drugs and various other substances of dubious nature that she had stopped hiding from her parents long ago.

"What can I do for you, mother?"

Helena pointed to the sofa. "May I have a seat?"

"Since when are you even asking?"

"I'm just trying to be nice and respectful, Eleanor. Something that wouldn't hurt you either."

"Nice and respectful? To me?", she couldn't help but laugh, "How come? Do you want to manipulate me too, like you're manipulating dad?"

Helena sighed. So that's what this was all about. Just what she had thought. What she had feared. Quietly she braced herself for the storm that was about to come.

"You're mistaken, my dear, I'm not manipulating your father."

"Oh, come on, mom! You know that's a lie! Just like pretty much every word coming out between your made-up lips. What the hell did you tell him? What did you promise him, to make him oh so devoted to you?"

The queen swallowed hard. Everything that had happened between Simon and her was still so new, fresh and fragile. But also more pure and deep than anything she had ever felt, aside from the love she had felt for her children since the day they were born.

They had laid bare all their biggest fears and doubts before each other. And especially she, the stone queen with the iron heart, had given in to her own vulnerability.

They had come out stronger, and full of love, hope and confidence. Hearing her daughter talk about it in this disrespectful way, even if not at all unexpected, hurt. It hurt a lot. She blinked away a tear, took a deep breath and answered: "I'm not surprised you came to this conclusion. Seeing your father and me like this, all of a sudden. You've probably never seen us like this before, at least not that you could remember."

"Yeah, you're damn right about that!"

"Please, Eleanor, just let me try to explain... Even though, it's hard for me to find the right words. You see, it's not so easy to explain. All I know is, that something changed. I don't know what, I don't know how, and most of all I don't know why. But after the masquerade ball... when your father came back from his trip to Toronto, he looked me in the eyes and... I don't know. That moment I knew I'd never want to be without him ever again. I realized how much I loved him. How much I've always loved him. And how much I've hurt and mistreated him in the past. But no longer!"

Eleanor was obviously untouched by her mother's confession. She hadn't moved one muscle in her beautiful face. "That's very nice, mom. What is that, Shakespeare? Is that how you won him over? With some tacky bla bla?"

Helena was beginning to feel desperate. She could feel her heart beating faster and a tingling sensation in her fingertips.

"I know you don't believe me. And why would you? Quite frankly, you have no reason to trust me on this, I understand that. But I beg you... Trust your father! Him and his judgement. He knows me. He knows what I'm capable of. Even if I may wish it wasn't so, he knows everything. And he rightfully despises me for it just like you. But he sees it's different now. He can feel it. He knows it's true. Just look at the way he looks at me! You'll see it too. He has forgiven me, and given me another chance."

This time, Eleanor remained silent. For now, she apparently was out of clever but offensive replies to shoot back at her mother. But it was all in her eyes. And they said: 'I will never forgive you. And you don't deserve another chance.'

Again, Helena wasn't surprised. She didn't expect things to go that smoothly. But at least she thought she may also have seen something else in her daughter's eyes. A glimmer of doubt. Was she, the queen, actually telling the truth in the end?

She continued: "Now, I didn't come here to beg your forgiveness. I know it's way too soon for that. I've done you wrong so many times, Eleanor, and Liam and Robert too. I've failed miserably, as a wife, and especially as a mother. But I want to change this, I want to make it better, I really do! This time, I'm serious. That's why I already talked to Rachel. She will no longer be editing your posts on social media."

Suddenly Eleanor looked up, hopeful at first, then doubt crept over her face. "Yeah, sure... As if!"

"It's true. Just try it!"

She handed her her phone and took a leap of faith to sit down next to her daughter on the bed. Eleanor didn't move. Then she began writing a Facebook post. Helena looked over her shoulder.

'My mother, Queen Helena, is a ruthless, manipulative bitch who's only fucking my father for power and money. And he's too stupid to see it because, as all men, he's thinking mainly with his penis.'

Helena bit her lower lip. Eleanor raised an eyebrow as her thumb was hovering over the 'Publish' button.

The queen swallowed and forced a smile onto her lips. "Go on! What are you waiting for?"

"You really want me to post this?"

"I want you to post whatever you want. And if... that's what you want the world to know, then go ahead."

She shook her head. "You'd never let me post this. Rachel wouldn't. You're lying."

"Push the button and see for yourself... Just know that, even if you delete it right after, it will already be too late to take it back."

She hesitated for another moment. Then she deleted the text and threw her phone into her pillow before throwing herself right next to it.

"I'm tired of this discussion", she proclaimed, "Please go now! I'm sure dad must be missing you already. How long it's been since you had sex the last time? Twelve hours?"

Her mother smiled. Not just because of Eleanor's comment. And because it was actually eleven hours. And a half. But also because even if she was being thrown out of the room without a thank you or any other appreciative word from her daughter, it still felt like a triumphant victory to her.

"We can hear you, you know?", she yelled after her mother.

The queen opened the door and turned around to look at her. "I know", she answered, smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

_Once again, so sorry this update took so long! I was offline for a while. I'll try to post another chapter this week, but next week I won't have the time either. Sorry for being a bit slower at the moment, but I'm still super thrilled that so many of you enjoy this story, thanks a bunch for the nice comments, and I hope you'll keep following it. There's still a lot to happen :-)_

 _Enjoy this chapter!_

* * *

Sluggishly she chased the remains of her breakfast across her plate. She reached for the tea pot but had to discover it to be empty.

"I will get more tea right away, Your Highness", said one of the maids, but Eleanor dismissed her by shaking her head.

"It's alright, don't worry. An aspirin, a joint and earplugs will do just as well."

She closed her eyes for a moment, massaged her temples and tried to ignore the moans and cries of pleasure coming from her parents' bedroom just above the private dining room. She should really go back to her habit of staying in her room and avoiding any form of human contact. Except for parties. And the occasional bang with Jasper.

Had she ever been this loud? She almost had the feeling that since her attempt to provoke her mother by hinting to the sound intensity of her lovemaking, she became even louder. And her father apparently just went along with it. It was disgusting and impossible to listen to... and it was almost every morning!

"My dear brother, I have to admit I'm starting to miss the time when Mom and Dad were barely speaking with each other. Loathing turns out to be pleasantly quiet after all."

Liam grinned. "Come on, Len. I think it's... awkward, that's true, but also kind of cute and romantic. I'm happy for them."

"They're old people, Liam! They should be more careful. Heart attacks are amongst the most common causes of death for people around fifty."

"I thought you and Mom are getting along a little better since she's not controlling you anymore?"

"We do... but only when she's not lying on her back. Or taking whatever other weird position that I don't even want to imagine!"

As the noises grew louder, they knew it was going to be over within a few seconds.

Cyrus put down his napkin and got up from the table. "I should get out of here. I can't think properly when I'm erected."

Eleanor pulled a disgusted face and threw a scone after him, aiming at the back of his head but only managing to hit the door as it closed behind him. The maid hurried to pick it up.

Then it was quiet. Merely ten minutes later the door opened again and the king and queen entered the dining room hand in hand with beaming smiles.

"Good morning, my dear children!", their mother greeted joyfully, but Eleanor pulled her face again.

"Geez, did you even have time to shower?"

"How are you this morning?", asked Simon, ignoring the question and taking a seat.

"Very well", answered Liam, grinning, "And you?"

"Can't complain!"

Eleanor chimed in: "Dad, when's this going to stop?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're terrorizing the whole palace!"

Helena intervened. "Eleanor, I already told you before, what your father and I do in our private time is none of your business."

"Oh yeah? Well then... Well then... Maybe Dad will reconsider these freshly blossomed feelings for you if he knew the truth!"

"What truth?", asked the king and queen simultaneously.

Liam looked at her in amused anticipation. Her thoughts went roaring. She had not prepared an answer to this. She searched feverishly but couldn't think of anything disgraceful about her mother that her father wouldn't yet know about himself.

With an angry grunt she got up and proclaimed: "Mom did botox on her lips!"

Then she stormed out.

Liam burst out laughing, while Helena herself as well as her husband were too stunned to react. He wiped a tear out of his eye, got up as well and excused himself. "Breakfast was delicious. But I will leave you now. I'm meeting Ophelia for a coffee."

He knew that his mother had been reacting a lot calmer to this topic lately. And anyway, there were other things for them to talk about now.

Simon nodded towards the maid, implying that her presence would no longer be necessary. When they were alone, he finally couldn't hold his laughter anymore.

Helena blushed and lowered her gaze, like a teenager who just got caught smoking. "I'm afraid what she said is true," she murmured.

He shook his head, still laughing. "Don't be ashamed! I know it's true. Once in a while I do take a look at those bills, remember? And sometimes I even do look at you."

She bit her lower lip, still keeping her eyes down.

"Darling, come here!" He pulled her onto his lap and looked at her, slightly reproachful but full of love. "You know I would always prefer you as pure as possible. With no make-up and definitely without any poison in your face. But I also know how superficial and cruel this world can be, and the pressure you're under to not only be the queen, but also to look like one. And I trust that you will take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable."

A glowing smile finally appeared on her lips. "I love you, Simon Henstridge."

"I love you too!"

She placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him. Then she cleared her throat and added, blushing again: "But I do think we should love each other a bit more quietly in the future."

He made a face as if he'd just bitten into a lemon, then he grinned and nodded in agreement.

"I think we all need some time off. We should go somewhere. Together, as a family. In a few weeks, when there's some more room in our schedules. It's been a while since the last time."

She smiled. "Oh yes. I think that's a brilliant idea. We should!"

He began filling up his plate for both of them to eat from, as he was not intending to let go of his wife anytime soon.

"Any plans for tonight?", he asked after a while.

She shook her head.

"Then meet me in the gardens. Eight a'clock, on that little bridge. You know which one I mean?"

A cold shiver crept down her spine. She knew. It was the very bridge she used to visit with Alistair too, where she had kissed him during their last encounter the night of the masquerade ball. She hadn't heard from him ever since. For a split second she thought of him, wondering what he was doing and how he had received her message. Then all her focus went back to her husband, who smiled at her and gently tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear.

"I have a surprise for you", he whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

_Please note: there won't be any updates for at least a week. Still, hope you enjoy this chapter! :-)_

* * *

"Shit!" she hissed and pulled her head out from under the table, got onto her feet and pulled her dress back in place. Where could it be? She must have searched everywhere. Twice. And it was almost eight o'clock... "Lucius!"

A mere five seconds later, her most loyal servant stood in front of her and bowed his head. "At your service, Your Majesty."

He could see that she was deeply concerned and in distress.

"My ring", she said, "My wedding ring... I took it of before taking a shower, as always. But then... I must have forgotten to put it back on. And now I can't find it anymore! It's just disappeared. I searched under the bed, my whole room, every room. I searched everywhere. I need it back! Immediately. Otherwise..."

She took a deep breath. In a few minutes she was supposed to meet her husband in the gardens. How could she possibly, without wearing her wedding ring? For sure, he would believe her that she had lost it and not suspect her to leave it off on purpose. But what kind of omen would that be for their future together? Right at this important time in their relationship? She never had to search for this ring ever before. Now was just the worst possible moment when it meant more to her than ever.

Anxiously, she was pacing up and down the dining room, rather talking to herself than to Lucius. "Could someone have taken it? My daughter maybe... She seems so upset with me lately. Oh well, what else is new... No, Eleanor wouldn't steal from me, ever. Or maybe... it was Cyrus!"

"What did I do this time?"

She gasped and turned around when she heard his voice. With his usual mildly annoyed look but somehow amused of other people's misfortune at the same time, he was standing in the door, one hand holding a glass of whisky, the other buried in his pocket.

"My wedding ring!" she replied with a firm voice, "It's missing. Did you take it?"

Cyrus looked as if he was unsure of whether to feel offended or rather laugh at the fact that she actually seemed to accuse him of such a childish thing that was way below his standards.

"Of course I did!" he answered sarcastically, "I always dreamed of being married to my brother. And I'm sure that he'll never notice the difference anyway."

She tilted her head and gave him a disapproving look. "Fine then... Have you at least seen it somewhere?"

"I have not. God knows, you probably lost it somewhere down his pants."

"Cyrus, I'm being serious!"

He rolled his eyes and left without further comment. She turned back to Lucius who had been quietly standing there waiting for his orders.

"I want the whole palace searched again. And again... No one will stop or leave tonight before my wedding ring is found. Understood?"

"Yes, Your Majesty. I will inform the staff right away."

"Good. Once you have it, bring it to me as fast as possible. I'll meet the king in..." She raised her arm to look at her watch. Then her eyes widened. She was already late. She'd have to go without the ring.

"FML!" she murmured as she hurried out the door.

The sun was setting and bathed the world in gold. In the east, the sky was turning into a deep blue, already displaying a few first hasty stars. It was luxuriously peaceful and the air smelled of summer. It was still warm, but would get fresh very soon, so she had put a woolen cardigan over her dress against the light wind caressing the grass. How she loved to walk the gardens this time of day, this time of year...

Now, however, she was walking much faster than usual. She was following the gentle stream and was almost at the bridge. Then she stopped abruptly. Flickering torches appeared left and right of the path. She continued and her heart was beating faster. Was this the surprise Simon had talked about? And then she saw him. Standing on top of the bridge, wearing an elegant black suit, smiling at her and looking absolutely gorgeous. He was framed by more torches that led up to where he was standing, beneath an arch of red roses in full bloom. It was mystical, magical, and so romantic. Her heart skipped a beat and her eyes filled with tears. When had he last done something like this for her? Or had he ever?

She couldn't believe how lucky she was. This was her husband. He was hers. And she was his. Forever.

Slowly she walked up to him, her eyes never leaving his, her smile shining even brighter than the flames all around her. He reached out for her hand. She wanted to kiss him, but he gently put a finger on her lips and shook his head.

"Not yet", he whispered. Then he took both of her hands in his and cleared his throat. "I've been wanting to do this for a long, long time. You know how... as beautiful and glorious as it was, dissatisfied I've always been with our wedding somehow. It was staged for the public. Not for us. Every step, every breath we took was meticulously planned and scheduled. Instead, I always wished our wedding should have been more quiet, intimate... honest. Just the two of us. Because after all, what else do we really need?"

Helena was barely breathing and her heart was pounding in her chest. What was going on? What was he going for? He wouldn't... or would he? Right here? Right now?

Slowly he went down on one knee, still looking her deep in the eyes as she began to shiver slightly.

"It wasn't always easy. There were good times and bad. But I know now more than ever that you're the one for me, the only one. And that I cannot live without you. I love you! I adore you. Helena Henstridge, do you want to marry me... again? Right here and now?"

Only when she started feeling dizzy did she notice that she must have stopped breathing quite a while ago. It was as if time was standing still. She also didn't notice the tear of happiness running down her cheek. She sniffed and nodded. "Yes!"

He could barely hear it, but he could see it. Almost relieved, even though he never really doubted that she would say yes – they were already married after all – he got up and pulled her into his arms to hold her for a while. Then he let go of her, looked at her and smiled, again taking her hands into his. Her tears had taken their toll on her mascara, her hair was messed up by the summer breeze and her eyes were glowing with love and anticipation. In this moment, she was more beautiful than ever. She looked exactly as he'd always wanted her to look like during their wedding vows.

"Alright then... Since we don't have a registrar or priest, I'll need to improvise a bit," he took another deep breath and solemnly started to declare, "I, Simon Peter Henry William, will have you to my wedded wife, to live together according to God's law in holy estate of matrimony. I will love you, comfort you, honor and keep you, in sickness and in health. And, forsaking all other, keep me only unto you, so long as we both shall live. I will."

Helena bit her lower lip and gently squeezed his hands. Unlike during their real wedding all those years ago, she finally allowed herself to feel all the emotions rushing over her right now and gave in to her tears. It felt cleansing. And she could see his eyes welling up as well, she could feel his heartbeat in his hands.

"Helena Elizabeth, will you have me to your wedded husband, to live together according to God's law in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love me, comfort me, honor and keep me, in sickness and in health. And, forsaking all other, keep you only unto me, so long as we both shall live?"

Was he really shaking? He seemed a bit nervous. But why? How could she not say yes? Yes. Yes! For as long as they lived, she wanted to love him and only him. She had already promised him before and broken it so many times, but this time she meant it.

"I will!" she said and was surprised herself about the strength in her voice, despite all the tears.

Could she kiss him now? He seemed to be wondering the same and finally decided that there was no moment more perfect than now. He pulled her close, placed his lips on hers and kissed her, gently at first, then more deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed herself to get lost in this kiss. Whatever happened, her husband was going to be there for her to hold her and protect her.

It was really funny... It wasn't even a real wedding, but their bond felt stronger now than it ever had. She had thought it so many times already and she was thinking it again: God bless this man! Her man...

After a small eternity has passed and their lips had finally parted, he placed another kiss on her forehead, then he reached into his pocket and revealed... her ring!

She had totally forgotten about it. It was her ring he was holding, the one she had been searching for hours! Her astonishment must have shown on her face, as he started to grin like a little school boy whose prank setup had gone unnoticed by the teacher, truly amused by her perplexity.

"That is..." she stumbled, "But I've been looking for... And I told Lucius..."

He shook his head. "Shhh! Don't worry, he knows."

Before he placed the ring on her finger, back to where it belonged, he showed her the engraving on the inside. The gold almost seemed to be alive in the light of the flames. "H & S" it said, along with their wedding date, as it always had. But now it was also showing the date of today.

Only they would know. It would be their little secret.

She couldn't believe that he had arranged all of this in just a few hours. For her.

"Oh baby... You're unbelievable, do you know that?"

He shrugged, still grinning. "I'm just a king who's madly in love with his queen."

Then he finally slipped the ring on her finger, her hands were sweaty and truly shaking now. But she felt whole again.

It was only then that she realized he wasn't wearing his ring either. He reached into his pocket once more and handed her his wedding ring. She took one more glance at the numbers that were now adorning also his piece and sighed happily, then she managed to put it on him despite her shaking hands and within one blink of an eye was kissing him again to seal their union once and for all.


	12. Chapter 12

"Rachel!" she yelled as she dropped the last newspaper onto the pile on the desk in front of her.

 _So romantic! The king and queen said YES for a second time_

One of the front pages said.

 _Until the end of time! King Simon and Queen Helena closer than ever – Read all about their secret wedding_

Wrote another. One even showed a horribly photoshopped picture of them where their current fifty-ish year old face was glued onto their twenty-something bodies from back then in wedding gown and royal uniform.

Rachel entered. "What can I do for you, Your Majesty?"

Helena grabbed one of the papers and held it in front of her face.

 _Wed me, baby, one more time: how Prince Robert's death lit the spark of love again for the king and queen_

"Explain this."

She seemed startled. By the look on her mistresses face she could tell that she was not about to receive a lot of praise. "That… I'm sorry! The news had to pass so quickly that we weren't able to audit every article."

The queen put the paper down. "I don't care about this particular article or another. Why does the press know about this at all? It happened yesterday night, for heaven's sake!"

Rachel was at a loss for words: "Well… I just thought that… ever since you started to openly show more affection some weeks ago the people want nothing more than seeing their king and queen together… in love. And you always appreciated how…"

"How did YOU even know about this so soon?" Helena interrupted her, but before she could stammer another answer, she sighed and gave it to herself. "I know, I know, that's why I hired you… And yes, I know that I appreciated the kind of attention and sympathy we received from the people and the press. Especially now as the referendum is still hanging in the air. But…," she sighed again and her voice became a bit softer, "this was different . It was just for us. It wasn't even a real wedding, legally speaking. Nobody was supposed to know. For Simon, this was so important."

Rachel bit her lower lip. Her queen looked almost sad. No, not almost, she was sad.

"I'm deeply, truly sorry, Your Majesty."

"I appreciate that. And I appreciate the way we think alike. But next time you arrange something like this without consulting with me first, I will have to start looking for a new press secretary. Is that understood?"

"Completely, Your Majesty. And, for what it's worth… may I add, congratulations! I'm really happy for you."

She had to smile as she thought back to the night before. "Thank you!"

Rachel nodded and headed towards the door, then hesitated and turned around. "If I may be so bold… I assume you know what I'm doing in my free time?"

The queen cleared her throat and blushed a little. "I heard as much."

"If Your Majesty should ever be interested in a certain kind of wedding gift…"

"Thank you, Rachel. I appreciate your… concern. But rest assured, it is unjustified. We're fine."

Rachel smirked. "I heard as much."

Helena's heart skipped a beat. No, Simon and she, they didn't need any help from anyone. The truth was, most people who didn't believe she had married him out of love alone thought she had married him because he was the King of England. Powerful. And wealthy. Which wasn't at all wrong, but it wasn't the whole story. What nobody knew: Simon was also and always had been an unbelievable lover. And if she was honest, the best she'd ever had. He was able to make her feel more like a queen than all the people, journalists or dignitaries in the world.

"When's my husband's meeting with the Prime Minister?"

"In about fifteen minutes, Your Majesty, at three o'clock."

"Then I'll quickly stop by to say hello."

She got up, straightened her tight dress that perfectly accentuated her figure, as usual, and left through the opposite door. "And I can hear you smirking!" she said without turning back.

Softly she knocked on the door to his office. He looked up from his paperwork and answered: "Come in!"

When she entered, his face lit up and he got up from his desk to give her a hug and a kiss.

After their lips had parted, she stroked his cheek and looked him in the eyes. "I'm glad you still greet me like this."

He frowned in confusion, and she nodded towards his desk where the same newspapers were piling up as on her own. He sighed. "Well, I guess that's not you fault, is it?"

"Of course not! I'm so sorry, honey. I just talked to Rachel. I believe she understood that this is never to happen again."

He pulled her close to breathe in her heavenly scent to calm his nerves before this important meeting.

"Will you have time for me tonight?"

"Why? Third time's the charm?"

"No!" he laughed, "I want to show you something."

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Mmh, I think I've heard that before…"

"Sweetheart, please! I beg you… I'm about to meet with the Prime Minister, I can't keep thinking about you all the time… and how breathtaking you look in this dress."

She pretended to pout and adjusted his tie. "You meet with the Prime Minister all the time, as far as I can recall, what's so special about today?"

"It's important. I tell you later."

She nodded. She knew it. Firmly, she took his hands in hers and held them, looking into his eyes. "I love you, Simon! No matter what. And I want you to know that I trust you and stand behind everything you do. You'll do the right thing. For the people, and especially for us, for our family. And I admire you for it."

He smiled. "I love you too, Helena!"

She moved closer to kiss him, then there was another knock on the door. Reluctantly Simon broke the kiss. "Yes, please?"

A servant entered and hesitated for a second. He looked at his king and queen who didn't seem inclined to move from their embrace and merely turned their heads towards him. Just as well, pretty much everyone in the palace hat gotten used to this new public display of affection over the past weeks. He declared: "The Prime Minister is waiting in the anteroom, Your Majesty."

"Send him in!"

He turned towards his wife in his arms and whispered: "I'll see you tonight."

She nodded, then she had another thought: "Do you know what Rachel does when she's not here?"

"Helena!" he said, "I asked you to stop it!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about", she tried to defend herself, but couldn't suppress a triumphant smile.

She could feel against her thigh that her husband was starting to understand what she was trying to imply. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again.

They were so immersed in their embrace that they didn't even notice the Prime Minister entering the office. He stopped immediately, not knowing what to do, and his eyes widened. Eventually he decided to sheepishly look away and clear his throat. Only very slowly, they began to part and to acknowledge their visitor.

"I'll see you tonight," she whispered with a suggestive look, then she walked away, her high heels resonating on the parquet floor, her hips swinging from side to side.

"Prime Minister," she greeted with a nod of her head as she passed the poor man who couldn't help but turn around to stare after her. It was sure good to be the king...

"Sorry about that," King Simon apologized as his wife had closed the door behind her, his cheeks still a bit flushed.

But his visitor stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Oh, no worries at all! It's all too understandable. If my wife looked like Her Majesty…," he sat down after the king had taken his seat at his desk, "Oh well. As I hear, congratulations are in order?"

Simon didn't understand at first, then he sighed. "Oh yes… A very private event. Only made it to the front page of…," he counted, "... nine newspapers."

"Those vultures from the press don't shrink away from anything. Even though lately there has been an astonishing interest by the public in the king's and queen's relationship."

"Can you blame them? We haven't given them much when we were young. And now… Well, in any case, we've spent too much time already living for the public eye. We're through with that, no matter if the people like it or not."

"Very wise. Well then, what did you want to talk to me about?"


	13. Chapter 13

One final look in the mirror, then she smiled in approval. Lately she had been caring less and less about her appearance. And if she did, she did it for a different reason. She wanted to look breathtakingly beautiful in her husband's eyes, not for the people, the media or the rest of the family.

But tonight, she wanted to look flawless for him. And she did! Her hair was falling perfectly, her make up was impeccable and her new dress was more stunning than ever. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" she exclaimed in anticipation.

Indeed, it was Simon. Looking like the next bloke, in his plain grey coat and flat cap. And he could hardly suppress a laugh. She was flabbergasted and groping for words.

"You look stunning, my dear," he said, grinning, "But we're going out tonight, incognito. So, maybe you'll want to try and look a bit less... queeny?"

"But... But why didn't you say so?"

He shrugged. "I wanted to see what you'd come up with." He walked towards her und wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his forehead against hers looking deep into her eyes. "And I have to admit... the sight was worth it. You really look incredible, baby. You're glowing..."

She smiled and almost let him get away with it. Almost! She gave him a gentle slap on the butt and put on an indignant look.

"I beg your pardon, Your Majesty? Do you have any idea how long it took me to get ready?"

He laughed. "Thinking about all the times I've had to wait for you getting ready... I think I do. Now, come on and change your clothes. We need to get going before it gets too late, okay?"

No ten minutes later, they were sneaking out of the palace through the tunnels once again. This time they weren't heading out of town, but right into it. The secret passage took them until Westminster Chapel, from there they took some smaller streets and alleys down to the river.

Like a fawn just learning to walk, her steps became slower, frightened and more insecure as soon as they were out in the public, even though at this time of day the sun was gone and around here the city was slowly going to sleep.

He gave her an encouraging smile and reached out for her hand. "Come one, sweetheart! It's alright."

Reluctantly, she took it. She didn't feel comfortable at all. "Where the hell is Pryce?"

"Not here. He's agreed to give us a bit of space tonight."

"Space? He's supposed to oversee your every move, especially out here, so late at night!"

"Don't worry, everything's going to be alright. Millions of people manage being out here in the streets every day and night without being attacked."  
"Well, millions of people are not the King and Queen of England," she whispered.

He sighed, stopped and took her into his arms. He quietly breathed in and out to make her concentrate on his breath. After a few seconds, he could feel her relaxing in his arms and they continued walking hand in hand.

They crossed the bridge at Westminster, walked a bit along the Thames, then stopped to look across the water where the city lights were dancing in the air like a million fireflies and the tower of Big Ben was looming over everything, the honorable face of this city and symbol of this great kingdom, as it always had been and would continue long after their names would have found their way into the history books.

Down here it was crowded and the air was buzzing with music, voices and laughter from all the people enjoying a warm summer night at the river. Even though, or maybe just because of this, no one seemed to notice the couple that was standing arm in arm in the soft glow of a lantern. For a while, they watched in silence.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath. Despite the noise around them, she felt at peace.

"Do you see the people?" he asked her, "Do you hear them? This is life, right here. This is what we live for, who we live for. Even if we're far away. It's astonishing what you can learn when you just get close enough to actually watch and listen."

"You do this often?"

He nodded. "As often as I can."

"I never knew... In all those years."

"Where did you think I was going?"

"Well...," she bit her lower lip. By now, those thoughts seemed incredibly foolish, "Like every queen in history when her husband left without a word. I was assuming you'd be with a mistress."

He sighed and pulled her closer. "Helena..."

"Why did you never take me with you before?"

"I thought you'd be annoyed or wouldn't take me seriously."

"So why now? Hopefully you wouldn't think so now?"

He raised his hand to stroke her cheek. "Of course not! Now, I want to share this with you."

A sad smile was playing around her lips. "Coincidence, after your meeting with the Prime Minister today?"

"You made quite an impression on the poor guy. He couldn't think straight for the next ten minutes."

"Aww, just ten?" she grinned, but didn't fail to notice: her husband hadn't answered her question.

"No, it's not a coincidence" he finally said, "I want to tell you what we talked about. You deserve to know."

She took his hands in hers. "Darling, it's alright! You did the right thing."

He started smiling: "Well, you don't know what I did, do you?"

Now she was confused. He used her silence to continue. "I asked him to drop the referendum. The monarchy won't be suspended."

She gasped and looked at him in utter bewilderment. She couldn't believe it. "What?"

Her stunned expression amused him. "I've been thinking about it. About everything. I've been watching Liam during these past weeks. Very closely. And I couldn't be more proud! He has something in him, something great, something brilliant. Even Eleanor... She's going through a rough time, I think we can all agree on that. But she's slowly starting to pull herself together. Together, the two of them could be legendary."

Helena threw her arms around him and buried her face against his neck. "Simon... I... I don't know what to say."

He swallowed as he pulled her close. "Robert is lost... We will never get him back. But that's not a reason to hide from the world. We still have the twins. And they are the future... That's why I told the Prime Minister that I will abdicate in five years from now. Five years to see Liam grow, to teach him everything I've learned, everything my father had the chance to teach me before his untimely death. And then, I want peace. With you. Somewhere... Traveling the world as long as we still can. Visiting all those places we've been to so many times before without ever really being there. What do you say?"

She had started sobbing gently, sniffed and nodded eagerly. "Yes! Oh yes... I love you, baby! I love you so much!"

For a moment he held her in his arms, carefully looking around. Every here and there, someone was looking over, they were starting to draw attention. Eventually he pulled her along, back towards the palace, before a riot of excitement would break loose around them and people might get hurt.

"You're not coming?" She had started heading down the secret tunnel back into the palace, then stopped and looked at him in surprise.

He checked his watch and replied: "I'm meeting Liam in about fifteen minutes."

"Oh... Do you want me to stay?"

"It's alright. I thought him and I could have some time together when I tell him about my decision. And I want to show him what I showed you tonight. I want him to see."

"He was going to see Ophelia. I hope he doesn't forget."

Simon smiled. He was relieved that his wife was starting to feel more at ease at the thought of her precious son and future king falling for the security guy's daughter.

He shrugged. "If he forgets, I couldn't blame him... There'll be another time. We have five years."

"You really don't want me to wait with you? It's dark... I'm worried."

"Don't be silly, I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself."

He gently kissed her goodbye. "See you later, my love. Thank you for coming with me tonight. It meant a lot to me."

"Thanks for taking me. Take care! And thank you... for everything! I know I haven't told you enough, but... you're truly a great king. The greatest for me anyway."

He pulled her close, one last kiss, then she turned around and disappeared into the tunnel.

The noise was clawing through her sleep like a merciless beast, ripping apart her dreams and the soft, silent, cozy blanket of slumber. She opened her eyes and stared into darkness. She was shivering. Her hand carefully touched the other side of the bed, reached into nothing. She was alone.

There it was again. A frantic knock on the door. A voice screaming: "Your Majesty, wake up!" Then, without waiting for an answer, the door flew open and someone grabbed her.


	14. Chapter 14

_A short disclaimer at the beginning: some of the dialogue was taken directly from the series and is not mine._

 _I hope you guys will forgive me this quite dramatic turn of events. And I hope you'll keep enjoying this story anyway as one major plot twist is yet to come..._

 _Thanks once more for reading and commenting, I hope to be able to update within a few days :-)_

* * *

Her body and mind felt completely numb as she was pushed and pulled through corridors and tunnels. She heard voices, hurriedly panting in her ear and mechanically blaring from walkie-talkies, but she couldn't understand what they were saying. She felt dizzy, nauseous and she was terrified. What on Earth was going on?

Finally she was led through a big iron door that fell shut behind her. She was breathing heavily as she looked around the room. It was almost empty and dimly lit by a weak light bulb dangling from the ceiling. Her son was there, Cyrus, Mr. Pryce along with two men from his security team.

The door opened once more and Eleanor stumbled down the steps, led by Jasper. She looked just as shocked and confused as everybody else.

Helena began to shiver. She had barely had time to cover her small sleeping dress by a silk dressing gown, apart from that she felt almost naked. She felt helpless and vulnerable, her hair was a mess and she was fully aware that she looked nothing like a queen right now. Regardless of this, she also knew that her children were relying on her. She was the queen after all, and she demanded answers!

"Mr. Pryce, what is going on here? And where is His Majesty the King?"

"Where is dad?" echoed Eleanor.

Ted Pryce looked from one to the other and sighed, obviously groping for words. Then he explained: "A short while ago, His Majesty the King was found by a royal guard just outside the gates of the palace. He'd been attacked."

The queen felt her legs giving away once more as she absent-mindedly reached out for her son to support her. "What type of attack?" she asked breathlessly.

"He was stabbed. Several times."

Eleanor gasped and covered her mouth with her hand in horror. Helena felt her heart breaking and her guts twisting in a knot.

Liam was the only one to find any words. "By whom?"

"His assailent is as yet undetermined. We've initiated emergency protocol and both MI5 and MI6 have been notified."

"Where is the king now?" asked Cyrus.

"In surgery."

Eleanor could barely speak. "But he's going to be okay? He'll live?"

Pryce's face was stern as he replied: "It's too soon to tell. He's lost a lot of blood. The king was stabbed twice with a large knife. Once in his lower abdomen and a second time in his chest, near his heart. The doctors are amazed that he's still alive."

The room started spinning before Helena's eyes. She heard her son's voice from far away.

"Mum? Mum! You should sit down. Do you hear me? You're shaking... you're as pale as a corpse."

"How fitting...," Cyrus remarked sarcastically.

'Stabbed twice' it resounded inside her head. 'Near his heart'. Her hands were sweating, and she was breathing heavily. Suddenly Helena felt her stomach turning inside out and she barely made it to the small bathroom in the corner to throw up.

"MUM!" she heard her daughter scream in shock, her eyes widened in fear when her mother came staggering back leaning against the wall.

Immediately Liam was there to hold her, guiding her to a chair to finally make her sit down. Someone else brought a glass of water and told her to focus on her breath. All eyes were on her. Eleanor was crying.

The strong Queen Helena, steady as rock, all of a sudden struck down, defeated and deprived of all that was in her. Her voice was hoarse as she finally managed to speak: "I want to see him!"  
"Nobody leaves this room until we are absolutely certain that the palace is secure," said Pryce, "Until then, we wait."

Helena straightened up and tried to give as much authority to her appearance as possible as she declared once more: "I am the Queen of England and I demand to see my husband!"

"Mum!" Liam took her hands in his, his eyes full of concern. He looked so grown up all of a sudden. Her son. Her baby... The Prince Regent! It all depended on him now, and he knew it. He was strong. Stronger than she was. "Please...," he said, "I know it's hard, but you need to calm down. You're in shock right now! Your whole body is shaking, you're hyperventilating, you can barely stand... You're in no condition right now to go anywhere."

"You can't tell me what to do! Stop telling me to calm down, your father has been stabbed, for God's sake, he could..."

She saw her son's face, and her daughter's behind him, still crying. Right now, she looked more worried about her than about her father. Helena swallowed hard and tried to breathe deeply. She was of no help to anyone if she started acting like a little child. Even though she felt so fragile, like a doll made from glass that could burst into a thousand pieces any minute. Like her heart did just a few moments ago.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes and buried her head in her hands. "I can't believe this...," she mumbled, "This is not possible! I was with him, I was there! He was alright... I should've stayed with him. I shouldn't have left him alone, In knew it was wrong. It's all my fault."

"Mum, stop saying that! It's not your fault. It's mine, I should've been with him, he was waiting for me."

"Stop it, both of you!" yelled Eleanor, her hands clenched into fists, her make up leaving heavy traces of pain and despair on her cheeks. "The only person to blame is the person who did it." She turned to Ted Pryce and demanded to know: "Who did this?!"

"We're reviewing security footage, both our own and every security camera within a two-mile radius of the palace."

"Why weren't you with him?" the queen screamed and got up from her chair, "Why weren't you doing your fucking job?"

"Mum, stop!" Liam yelled just as loudly. "You've got to calm down!" He tried to reach for her hand, but she pushed him away, her eyes fixating Pryce.

The Head of Security sighed and finally admitted: "His Majesty and I had an understanding that I would look the other way for his occasional walk. It's an understanding I deeply regret."

Helena sniffed in anger and started nervously pacing up and down the room.

"No shit!", said Cyrus, "You're proven quite apt in getting people killed, Pryce!"

"You shut up!" yelled Liam, "You hated him! And you wanted the monarchy preserved."

Eleanor added: "And what's wrong with you anyway? Why are you so shifty and pale?"

"Careful, princess!" he replied in a menacing tone.

"Mr. Pryce," Liam began, "after a threat like this, according to the emergency protocol, who did you secure first? Was it the queen?"

"You're the Prince Regent, Your Highness, we secure you first and then the others."

"So if that's true, why was he already here when I arrived?"

"I was already in the tunnels", answered Cyrus.

Helena turned around, furious, and started shouting: "Why? Because you were coming back after attacking your brother?"

"Go ahead, insinuate an accuse, I for one will not lower myself to participate."

"You've been jealous of Simon, all your life! And God knows it wouldn't the first man's blood on your hands."

"As if you can talk, you devious bitch! Do you really believe he married you because he loved you so much? We both know that's not true."

Those words hadn't fully reached her yet as she slapped Cyrus hard across the face who in return hit her back, just as hard. Her brain was rattling and she would have fallen if Liam hadn't caught her. No sooner had he made sure his mother was able to stand on her own as he let go of her to knock his fist in his uncle's face, his eyebrow bursting and starting to bleed.

Then Ted Pryce and Jasper managed to get hold of the two men to prevent any more violence. Cyrus was mad with anger. "You want to make sure we're all save? Then save me from this lunatic and his deranged mother, I beg you! She has completely lost her mind! Where were you when it happened, queen? Do you really think we believe this tearjerker love story you've been putting up over the past weeks? Probably it was all just a maneuver to get you out of the line of suspects."

Jasper tried his hardest to keep the enraged prince under control while Eleanor was tending to her mother who was dabbing blood from her lower lip. She had no strength left to fight. Her son, her boy, once he was instated as Price Regent, would make sure that son-of-a-bitch would get what he deserved. For now, she needed to get her act together and clear her mind. Whatever happened, she should not forget who she was and what was expected of her. After all, without this, she'd have nothing left.

"Liam's right," she said, "We all need to try to remain calm. No matter what happens to your father, when we leave this room, you'll find the world outside has changed. And in the absence of the king's voice, people will look to the queen. And the queen will be unwavering and unconquerable. You want the purpose of the monarchy? I give you one: to stand before a worried, confused, grieving people and in the face of profound tragedy inspire them with our strength, nobility and grace. We are under attack, but eventually this door is going to open, and when it does, the world will look at us!" She turned to look at Jasper, "Mr. Frost, would you unhand my son, please!"

She walked up to Liam and took his face between her hands. "Everything's different now. You need to be prepared. You are now the Prince Regent. Do you understand me?"

"Dad will be okay!" he objected.

Helena swallowed hard and had to take a deep breath before she could continue: "Darling, the moment your father was stricken, you became Prince Regent. You are the acting King of England! Earlier today he met with the Prime Minister. He didn't get the chance to tell you, but he told him to call off the referendum. Because of you! He saw great things in you, and so do I. He wanted to see you on the throne. You have to be strong now. For your father... and for the people. He believed in you. Make him proud!"

His lower lip started shivering, then he hugged his mother tight and started sobbing as she calmly stroked his hair, silent tears running down her face.


	15. Chapter 15

The monotonous beeping sound crept into her head, down into her fingertips and into every inch of her being. So cold and soulless, but at the same time it meant the world to her.

Her hands were clenched into fists and she swallowed hard as she finally managed to set one foot in front of the other. She wanted to cry. Wanted to break down, to throw herself onto the bed, scream and punch everything and everyone around her. But she found herself helplessly locked inside her body, a silent statue shrouded in pain, grief and despair.

Her knees were shaking as she sat down next to the bed and reached out for his hand. It was soft and warm as always. A needle stuck in the back of his hand, but she ignored it. Just as she ignored the tube that came out of his mouth to help him breathe and all those blinking, peeping devices around them.

She saw nothing but him, his closed eyes, his calm features... He looked so peaceful. She remembered all those times when she had just lain next to him at night, watching him sleep. She had to smile.

Gently she caressed his hand with her thumb, then brought it against her lips to place a gentle kiss on the skin that smelled so familiar and welcoming and yet so strange. She leaned forward, and with her other hand softly touched his cheek as she began to whisper: "Simon... Baby. It's me! I'm here. Finally, they let me. Can you hear me? I know you can... I'm here now. And I won't leave you. Never again."

Slowly she felt tears welling up in her eyes, but she wouldn't allow herself to cry. Not here, not in front of her husband. She had to be strong. Strong for him.

"I'm so sorry, babe... I should've never... never left you alone. Not yesterday night... And not all those years before. We've wasted so much time because of... me. Precious time... to be happy. Together. It's all my fault, I know that. And I know that I will never ever be able to forgive myself. I'm so... so sorry, my love! I'll never be able to make up for what happened, for all the years we've lost. But... if I could only bring you back..."

She felt her heart beating stronger in her chest, as if it was beating for the both of them at once, her vision blurry, hands shaking. She pleaded, desperately: "Come back to me, Simon! Please... Come back! I love you! I need you. We all need you! The children need you, the people need you. We're lost without you. You wanted to teach Liam, remember? You wanted to abdicate in five years, we wanted to live a more quiet life together. You told me so... just yesterday. Do you remember, baby? It's going to be alright. You're going to get better and it's all going to turn out the way planned it. I'm here, darling. I'll watch over you. Nothing's going to harm you. You'll be just fine, you'll see. You'll see..."

"Mum?" his voice cut through the silence of the room as he got up from his chair, "Mum? We have to go. The ceremony... remember? It's starting in two hours. We have to get prepared, you and me. Are you coming?"

Lightly he placed a hand on her shoulder, afraid she may freak out at the unexpected touch. She didn't react at all.

"Mum?"

He stroked her shoulder in a last, desperate attempt to get her attention. But she just sat there, still and staring into the distance, right through the sleeping man in front of her, leaving him wondering whether she was still part of this world.

He sighed, and bent forward to place a gentle kiss on her hair. "I'm going to leave now. I'd be happy to see you at the ceremony... I need you there, mum!"

Quietly he closed the door behind him. Eleanor was already waiting outside, looking even more miserable than usual.

"How is she?"

Liam chuckled bitterly. "It's almost comical, isn't it... that dad's fighting for his life, having been stabbed twice, but still who worries us the most is her."

"I know, but... It's just so weird! How long have you been here?"

Liam checked his watch. "Three hours... and a half. Never said a word, never moved. Not when I arrived, not when I left."

"Has she even slept last night?"  
"I doubt it."

Eleanor shivered. "This is not her. It's not our mother, Liam! She's lost her mind."

"Maybe... Or maybe she sees clearer now than she ever has."

For a moment brother and sister stood in silence, watching their mother at their father's bedside through the glass window. Motionless and pale, she looked barely alive.

"The ceremony is in two hours", said Liam, "I have to go. She needs to be there, Len! Tell her that. You can do it... Good luck!"

Helplessly she watched him walk away. What the hell was she supposed to do? Throw her shoe at her mother to bring her back down to Earth? She sighed and entered the room. No surprise there, her mother didn't seem to notice. Eleanor sat down at the other side of the bed and took her father's hand in hers. For a while she sat quietly, rather observing her mother than the man hanging somewhere between life and death.

She looked pale, her eyes dull and tired, her features torn apart by grief. She seemed to have aged ten years at least since yesterday night. And no botox would be able to fix this.

"Mum? It's me, Eleanor," she tried and felt completely ridiculous. It was like talking to a puppet.

"Mum, please... You must hear me. You're freaking me out, mum! Talk to me!"

No answer. She bit her lower lip to prevent herself from crying again. Instead she decided to turn to her father. As crazy as it was, currently he was a more comforting sight than the gracious Queen of England, or what remained of her.

She lost track of how long she'd sat there. Then, all of a sudden, her mother came back to life. Her voice sounded hoarse and strange when she finally spoke, and Eleanor couldn't even have said if she was talking to her or to nobody.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it... Who would do something like this? Who did this?"

Eleanor was relieved, at least partly. "I don't know, mum. I really don't. But I promise you, we'll find out whoever it was, and this person will pay for it."

"You have to promise me something, Eleanor. Time is a precious thing. And often we realize this only when we have almost none of it left. That bodyguard of yours, that Jasper Frost... I've seen the way he looks at you. And I've seen the way you look at him. Act wisely with the time you have left. Otherwise you'll wake up one day, sitting at his bedside reminiscing about the moments that you've lost."

Eleanor tried to ignore what her mother had just said, sniffed and wiped away a tear with the the seam of her sleeve.

"So in the end... you really love him, do you?" she whispered.

Helena turned her head, very slowly, and it was evident that she hadn't moved it in quite a while. The look in her eyes froze the blood in Eleanor's veins.

"Do you really feel that you have to ask this question?"

"I'm so sorry, mum! But you're acting so strange! And you look so miserable. You need help. I'll get the doctor, you need medication."

All of a sudden her mother sounded firm and decisive: "What I need is for my husband to open his eyes and walk out of this Goddamned hospital! Not medication."

"Me too! We all need dad to get better. But you know what else we need? Our queen! Yesterday, in the safe room... wasn't it you who said that we have to stand in front of the people, comfort them and inspire them? Believe me, there's nothing I'd rather do than hide in here, by his side myself. But we have a responsibility, we have a mission. And the people out there, they're worried about you, mother, they're asking for their queen."

She had no idea where her strength came from all of a sudden when she rose from her chair, stood straight and proclaimed: "I know your world is crumbling down. Mine is too. But you have to get your act together, mum! You owe this to your people. And you owe this to your son! Your son, who in just about an hour will be proclaimed acting King of England. He needs you at the ceremony. So get up from this chair, do something with your face, if you please, and get out of this hospital to stand next to your son and hold this fucking book, or so help me God, I'll drag you out of here myself!"


	16. Chapter 16

Hi there! Once again, sorry it took so long this time! But I decided to rather write one long chapter than multiple shorter ones... In order to move a bit faster towards the juicy part of the story ;-)

Hope you enjoy it... anyway!

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She slammed the door shut behind her, almost right into her brother's face who was following her. Behind the veil of her tears, she was almost blind. Her entire body was shivering with rage, a rage that she had never felt before, worse than any drug withdrawal could ever be. She yelled, screamed at her mother, her voice breaking: "Say something! Stop running away, you dirty whore! Answer me! Is it true?"

She wanted to punch something, break something, trash the whole palace. Liam, on the other hand, was just quietly standing next to her, pale, breathing deeply, his gaze getting lost in the distance. She was wondering whether his mind was still with them or whether it had left already, an enviable mechanism to protect his soul from all the pain around here that just seemed to be getting worse and worse.

"ANSWER!"

Helena turned around and yelled right back at her: "I can't! I can't answer you, Eleanor. I can't because I don't know... Okay? I don't know!"

"What do you mean, you don't know? How can you not know?"

For a moment, she would've questioned her daughter's wits if she hadn't been so angry and desperate. They were still yelling at each other, and she was sure that all those dignitaries that had gathered next door to witness her son's ceremonial installation as acting King of England could hear them. She didn't care. It didn't matter anymore anyway. None of it.

"Because I had an affair, alright? I've cheated on your father. For years! Before you were born, after you were born... Actually, if you'd like to know it very precisely, it only ended about two months ago the very night before your father and I went to Jersey."

Eleanor looked at her as if she was about to faint. Liam still looked as pale and absent as before. "WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Oh, come on, Eleanor! Don't tell me you were the only ones in the entire palace who didn't know."  
"Tell me this is a joke... Tell me that you haven't been lying to Daddy for all those years."

"He knew about it! Your father knew. All along. Well... IF he is your father, that is," the queen added bitterly.

"Who is it, then?" Liam had finally come back to life. Though seeing the hurt and disgust in his eyes, his mother wished he had remained inside his world until she had the opportunity to finally leave and be alone. "This man... Who is our father?"

"That doesn't matter now. Not anymore."

"It doesn't matter?!" Eleanor started to break again, more and more tears running down her face, almost meditatively shaking her head. "It doesn't matter who our father is? I don't believe it. All of this... This can't be... How can you be so cruel, I thought you'd changed! How can you do this to Dad while he's fighting for his life?"

"I didn't do anything, I beg to differ! It's your uncle you should yell at. I made a mistake, a grievous mistake, and it took me way too long to realize it. But I did in the end, and I tried to make amends. And your father forgave me. I don't know why, but he did, even though I for sure didn't deserve it, and I'll be forever grateful for that. And we swore to each other that we would try to forget about it as best we could. Having said that, I didn't bring up the topic just now in there, did I? So walk away to your uncle if you feel so inclined, let out your rage on him and leave me alone!"

She turned around to exit the room, but Eleanor was far from done with her.

"Cyrus didn't cheat on Dad. You did! You disgust me."

"Well, thank you so much for this valuable feedback, I'll be sure to keep it in mind next time I feel like cheating on anybody."

"MUMMY!" Eleanor was shrieking and suddenly sounded like a little girl, "What's wrong with you lately? You're acting so strange... At one point you're completely freaking out and going nuts, the next moment you're cold as ice, almost as if you weren't even there. This isn't like you! You need to do something! Make a test... Whatever! Prove this lying son-of-a-bitch that he's wrong! Don't let these accusations stand. Not now... Not while Dad... You have to do something!"

"Eleanor, I believe you didn't hear me right. I said, I don't know who your father is. What if I have you tested and the test will show that your father... is not your father? That would be even worse and even more humiliating."

"That's bullshit, mum! If it is at all possible that we are the king's children, then at least we have a chance. Don't let him win... We need to fight!"

Her mother shook her head and replied, very quietly now, her exhaustion showing in her eyes. "It's not worth it. All my life I've been told that I had to fight. For everything, everyday. Well, I did. But as God is my witness, let me tell you... I am done fighting now."

She turned around and left, leaving her children with no words to reply.

"Your Majesty?" Rachel cleared her throat as she repeatedly didn't manage to excite a reaction. "Your Majesty?"

The queen was lying on the sofa, her feet clad in black Louboutins resting on a pillow, her eyes closed. She was holding a glass of whisky and telling from the bottle on the table, it wasn't her first one tonight.

"Leave me alone, Rachel!"

"I'm so sorry... But we can't handle the situation any longer. We need you to make a statement. The internet is crashing down."

"Then let it. The king is dying, and all they talk about is who I slept with twenty years ago. If that's what this is about, then they can all go to hell."  
"Which is precisely why you should speak on public television."

Helena turned her head towards her, finally putting down her glass with an audible bang. "Are you insane?"

"Just think about it! This is your chance to correct your public image. The people want to see their queen. They want her to be honest and vulnerable. They want to see her as one of them."

"I'm the Queen of England!"

"You are now! But once upon a time you were simply a young girl who placed the duties of her family before her own heart's desire. Eventually your heart got the better of you, and you slipped. The heart wants what it wants."

Helena sighed and turned her attention back to her glass. There was only one thing her heart wanted right now more than anything. Just one man. All the others didn't matter to her, could disappear forever from the face of the Earth. The people would never accept this story, especially in this situation. And even for her, admitting that she once was in love with another felt even worse and much more treacherous than the idea that her children might actually have been sired by someone other than her husband the king.

She heard someone clearing his throat and turned her head to look at the door. Lucius took a deep bow and said: „Excuse me, Your Majesty. I may announce the Grand Duchess of Oxford."

She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping she would dissolve into mist and never come back. Of course, her mother. It was about time she graced the scene with her presence and acidness to make things even worse, much worse in fact.

When she entered, she looked even more fake and pathetic than the last time she'd seen her, with a just as fake smile plastered across her face, greeting her daughter with arms wide open. Lucius and Rachel dismissed themselves.

„Helena, dear! How lovely to see you!"

Helena refused the hug, turned around, sat back down on the sofa and reached for her glass. „Mother, there's no one here. You don't have to pretend you're happy to see me. I know exactly why you came, so why waste time on courtesies? Go ahead, say what you have to say and then leave me alone."

Immediately, all the warmth fell from the Grand Duchess'es face as she let herself sink into an armchair. „Very well then..."

„And thank you, by the way, for coming to London to comfort your daughter and grandchildren after the attack on the king... And not waiting until a potential paternity scandal errupts that could impact your own reputation. That's very altruistic of you, mother."

The sarcasm in her words didn't go unnoticed, that much Helena could see in her mother's face. Furthermore she could see what she was about to say next. How dare you, Helena? How dare you put everything we worked for on the line so carelessly? What on Earth were you thinking?

„How dare you, Helena? How dare you put everything we worked for on the line so carelessly? What on Earth were you thinking?"

„What WE have worked for, mother? I believe you're overinterpreting this. YOU wanted all of this."

„Oh, don't start this again. Don't tell me you don't enjoy being the queen. You chose this just as much as I did."

„I won't apologize to you or anyone for looking for love just like everybody else."

„Love? You must be joking? You're not talking again about this stable boy, are you? Please, Helena... Please tell me that you at least had the decency to find an appropriate lover."

Helena had to control her temper and tried to look untouched by her mother's words. „Whoever it is, it's none of your concern." „Damnit, Helena! You're the bloody Queen of England. I don't blame you for roaming around, but for heaven's sake, couldn't you at least have used protection?"

„Please, mother, let's not have this conversation..."

„So, tell me... Are the twins the king's children?"

Slowly but surely this question became annoying.

„For the twentieth time, I don't know!"

„Then have them tested."

„I won't! What if it's confirmed that they aren't? How humiliating would that be? At least allow me to keep the small piece of dignitiy in front of the people of knowing who got me pregnant, even if it wasn't my husband."

„You're worried about your dignity? I'm sorry, dear... but I'm afraid that ship has already sailed. Does your reputation mean nothing to you? And the reputation of your children? They're traumatized enough as it is with all that's happened to their... well, let's call him their father for convenience's sake."

„The children are better off without this burden anyway. Simon didn't want them to be prince and princess, least of all king. He wanted to abolish the monarchy. He changed his mind in the end, he said he believed in Liam... But still, I'm sure he only said so to make me happy. And honestly? I don't think I need this either. I need peace, and the children too. Not this..."

„So you're too scared to go through with a test?" concluded the Grand Duchess briefly.

„Yes..."

„And Cyrus knew that." „Of course he did... That inconceivable son-of-a-bitch. And who knows, even if we went through with the test, he could simply manipulate the results or bribe the doctors. So why bother?"

„But so could you!"

„Mother... please!"

„Would you really allow him to be king? Because right now you're basically handing him that crown without even so much as a wince."

„I don't care. I really don't..." To underline her reply, she emptied her glass and reached for the bottle to re-fill. Not fort he first time tonight.

The Grand Duchess sighed. „I talked to Eleanor. She's furious, as usual. And devastated. But she's also very worried about you. She says you've been behaving strangely since the attack on the king, which I can now verify. She says you're not yourself. You're bursting into emotional breakdowns not fit for a queen. Or actually... Most of the time you're said to not show any emotions at all! Apathic... hiding from everyone, and most of all from the people who are looking towards their queen. Where is your strength? They need you, they need guidance. Especially now with the paternity scandal around. They're confused, Helena. They're worried, your children are worried, and I am too."

„Oh please, don't act as if you cared about me. Or even about my children. You only care about what the people think of me, and therefore, of you."

„That's not true, Helena! If you would only..."

The queen put down her glass and got up from the sofa, which interrupted her mother mid-sentence. „You know what?" she said, „I'm tired, and I have a headache. I see you at dinner."

With swaying hips and clicking heels she walked away.

It was the first of many dinners that the family spent together, in almost utter silence. Not much was spoken within the palace walls in general. It was a silence that was screaming so loudly, that not just once Eleanor wanted nothing but run away from it all. One other night at dinner, she couldn't stand it anymore.

She dropped her knife and fork and started yelling at her mother: "Mum, what is wrong with you? For fuck's sake... I can't do enough coke to be able to ignore this any longer. You're weird, you're like a zombie. And you know what? No one has seen you cry even once since the night it happened. Not in the hospital, and not now. What's wrong with you?"

Helena didn't so much as look up from her food when she replied: "I don't understand. Your father is still alive and getting better, there's no reason to cry."

Eleanor was desperate. "He is not getting better, mum! He has been transferred from the hospital back to the palace. The doctors can't help him anymore. He's going to die, and the least you could do is show him and everybody else that you're at least a little bit touched by it in any kind of way."

Abruptly Helena got up from her chair and slapped her daughter across the face before she even knew what was happening.

"Helena!" yelled her mother, and Liam had jumped up from his chair as well, ready to defend his sister. Then, for a moment, everyone was quiet and nobody moved.

The queen's voice was barely audible at first, but shivering with rage. "Never... ever say this again... Do you understand me? How dare you... How dare all of you? For two weeks now, every day I've been listening to everyone telling me what I have to do. I have to go on television, I have to make a public appearance, to give a statement, make a paternity test, and just in case it wouldn't come out the right way, make another one and bribe the doctors, I have to talk more to my children, I have to talk less to my children, and most of all, of course, I have to cry for my husband."  
By now she was not whispering anymore, she was screaming. Everybody was standing now.

"You're right, I haven't cried, not in front of you, and not when I'm alone. And you know why? Because I don't know if once I started I'll ever be able to stop!"

Eleanor dropped her gaze and bit her lower lip. She regretted starting this topic in the first place. But her mother wasn't done yet.

"You're hurting, I know. Your father, the paternity scandal... and let's not forget about Robert, of course, I get that! But you know what? I'm hurting too! I lost my son, just a few months ago. And none of you knows how that feels like! I lost my son, I lost my reputation, I lost my future, my world is falling part, more and more every day. My husband, the love of my life, is dying, and I have to figure out how to live with knowing how many years we wasted because of me, being miserable, barely existing next to each other without ever really seeing each other. And quite frankly, there are days where I don't have a single clue how to even get up in the morning. So stop telling me over and over again what I should do and cut... me... some... slack!"

With those words she threw her napkin down onto her plate, turned around and walked away.

The phone call reached her in the middle of the night. She got up from her bed as she had played it out in her head over and over again before. Only this time she forgot to get dressed properly. Or put her make up on. Or do her hair. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. Ever again.

She barely noticed everyone standing in silence with tears in their eyes, looking at her. She barely heard the screams of her daughter. She entered the room and found comfort in the peaceful features of her husband. The lines of his face that she knew so well. She sat down next to him as everybody else left the room and closed the door to give her some space.

And she cried.


	17. Chapter 17

Once again, sorry this update took so long! I still hope it's worth waiting for... ;-) And thanks once more for all the nice and encouraging comments! Enjoy reading!

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It was shortly after four o'clock in the morning when the family left the palace to take condolences from the people. Despite the hour, thousands had come, standing at the gates to join their royal family in their grief. Standing in silence, their hearts going out to their prince and princess who had just lost their father, biological or not, and to their queen who had just lost the love of her life. In the east dawn was slowly breaking. The same sun, but it would shine on a world that had changed forever.

Her face was hidden between a black piece of veil that was attached to her hat. Black again. As if it was only yesterday that she donned the color of mourning after the death of her eldest son. Robert... She was sure, Simon was with him now. Father and son reunited, but all too soon.

Her eyes were red and burning from the millions of tears that she had cried. And neither veil nor the dark of night could hide it. Usually the queen would never allow anyone to see her cry, to see her pain and vulnerability. And the worst thing was that in this moment, she wasn't even able to care.

She wanted to go out, she needed some fresh air, the palace walls were making her sick. She wanted to meet the people, to share her grief and theirs, wanted to talk to them, console them as best she could. That was her duty as a queen. But it was also her need as a widow. Her soul, her heart finally needed to breathe.

As they were walking down the palace steps and across the yard towards the gate, Liam was supporting his mother. Despite her tears, she looked impeccable in her black coat, black tights, black heels and gloves, her hair beneath her hat shimmering coldly in the moonlight.

"Are you sure you want to do this?", he whispered.

She nodded. "Yes."

"Do you think you can?"

She hesitated before she repeated, her voice barely more than a sigh. "Yes."

The mass of people in front of them was aglow with the light of a thousand candles and the air was heavy with the smell of flowers, flowers wherever they looked. Hardly a word was spoken that night. They quietly shook hands, received more flowers and reciprocated wordless nods.

"My condolences...", someone whispered.

"I'm so sorry", someone else.

"He was the greatest of all... He will be sorely missed."

Helena swallowed and tried to meet all of them with strength and grace. But however much she tried, she couldn't bring herself to even the faintest smile, even though she had probably never felt more loved, embraced and understood by her people than tonight. And somewhere in the back of her mind, just for a split second she realized that after all the turmoil of the past weeks it felt good, it felt liberating.

A woman was standing before her, about the same age as her, tears running down her face. Between her sobs, her words were almost incomprehensible. Her own husband had passed away just last week she told. And she knew the terrifying, gut-wrenching feeling of being alone. Of being a widow.

So that's what she was now. A widow. A mother who had to carry her child to the grave. And an adultress. But what she wasn't anymore, from this day onwards, was the queen. The king was dead. And a new king would take the throne.

All night she hadn't been able to even look at her brother in law. She knew that this must have been the happiest day of his pathetic, mediocre life. And even though she was fully aware of this, and though she actually did give his acting prowess more credit than that, she couldn't risk catching even the slightest glimpse of gratification or relief on his ugly face. Not today. And maybe not ever.

Then she felt something pulling the seam of her coat. She looked down. A young girl was looking up to her, no older than four. She held a teddy bear in her hands that she held out towards the queen.

"Don't be sad!" the little girl said, "The king is in heaven now, just like my grandfather. In heaven, they can eat as much ice cream as they want to!"

Her hands were shaking as Helena took the bear into her hands. From the look of it, it had been with the little girls since she was born and one of her favorite toys. She whispered: "The king loved ice cream too! Are you sure you want me to have your teddy bear?"

The girl nodded. "I don't want you to be sad. My mum says you're always there when the people are sad."

Helena felt her knees giving in. This child looked so much like Eleanor when she was her age! If she'd even be able to remember King Simon when she grew older?

She wished she could hug the child to thank her for her gift and kind words. But the bars of the gate forbid it. Instead she reached out and gently stroked the girl's cheeck.

"What's your name, my dear?"

"Juliana, Your Majesty."

"What a nice name, Juliana... Thank you! Thank you so much. I'll make sure your little friend will have a good life inside the palace."

She pressed the toy against her chest, her heart was racing inside. She felt her strength slowly fading. She had to get back inside. Lay down and sleep... Sleep and maybe never wake again.

She shared a look with her children who nodded and were by her side immediately. Quietly they turned around. All three of them relieved and tired, but also wary. They knew: their most brutal challenge was yet to come.

Slowly and painfully the procession dragged along the street. Like puppets on a string they were putting one foot in front of the other. It was just about a mile from the palace to Westminster Abbey, but it felt like an endless walk of torture, struggling under the weight of millions of eyes and cameras just waiting for them to break down.

It was one of the last really hot days of summer, and the sun was burning down mercilessly from a bright blue sky. No weather would have been less fitting for the funeral of a king.

Members of the royal cavallry in full uniform led the group on horseback, the coffin followed right behind, draped in the Union Jack and covered with hundreds of white flowers and letters, last words from his family for his last journey to the crypt.

Right after the coffin walked the new King of England with his sister in law, his brother's widow on his arm. That alone, plus the heat was almost enough to make Helena choke. Right behind them the new king's daughters. Only then came Liam and Eleanor. So far away... It had been a fight to even allow them to take part in the ceremony. It was ridiculous and pathetic. Their biological father was put into question, and all of a sudden people acted as if they wouldn't care about the king anymore. It was ruthless.

The ceremony itself seemed just as sluggish as the procession before. Numerous dignitaries, politicians, royalty from within and without the country, important social figures... The queen couldn't have cared less. Nothing seemed worthy enough of the great life they'd lost. They didn't know her husband. No one knew him the way she had known him.

And then it was time for her to approach him one last time to say her final goodbye.

He was so beautiful! Whatever had happened between them, there had never been a time when she didn't find him attractive. He looked so peaceful as he was lying there clad in his uniform, his sword by his side. She kneeled before her husband. If she had been able to process anything that was going on around her, she would've heard the sobs around her or would've seen her daughter cry against her brother's chest.

They had told her to stick to the protocol and not touch the body. But she didn't care and she knew no one would intervene now during the ceremony, after all, she was still the Queen of England, at least for a few more days.

Carefully, as if not to wake him up, she touched his face. For a long time, during the entire march from the palace she had thought about what her last words to him should be. What could she tell him now, knowing the weight of her words that he wouldn't hear anymore? She figured, there was only one thing left to say. Her lips formed a soundless "Forgive me!"

She took a deep breath and blinked away her tears. "I know I never will, but... maybe you can," she whispered. "I love you, Simon. And I always will. Always! I miss you so much..."

She felt a stinging sensation in her heart, a tingling in her belly and the tears welling up in her eyes again. She was getting dizzy. She knew she had to stop right now, otherwise she would break down right here, in front of the whole world.

With shaking hands she put a rose down on his chest and said her silent goodbye. She didn't even feel her son's hand on her back as she rose from her knees. She felt light-headed, and for a split second she had to reach for Liam for support. He looked worried. "Mum, are you alright?"

Did she nod? She didn't remember. Everything after that became one big blur inside her mind.

The next thing she knew was that they were standing in front of the church to accept condolences from the funeral guests. An endless line of faces and words that were nothing but meaningless. The sun was still burning from the sky. At this time early in the afternoon, it was shining directly upon the steps of the abbey.

In her black dress, coat and hat, Helena felt like drenched in sweat. Her feet hurt, her back hurt and her headache became more and more unbearable with every passing minute.

As from far away she heard her son whisper: "Are you okay, mum? You look extremely pale and exhausted."

"It's your father's funeral," she replied, "What am I supposed to look like?"

Truth was, she felt terrible, dizzy and close to throwing up. Same as when she had risen from her knees inside the church before, she felt light-headed, with tiny spots dancing before her eyes. Her heart beat heavily inside her chest and she could hardly breathe. When would this be over... If only it wasn't so hot out here!

"Mum? MUM!"

The last thing she heard was Liam yelling her name and a scream from a thousands voices before the queen passed out on the steps of Westminster Abbey.

The evening had turned out way differently than expected. Which was not entirely something Eleanor disapproved of. There was indeed a more humane way she could think of to spend the end of this day of grief and sorrow than in the company of hundreds of strangers who neither knew her nor her father at a gigantic funeral feast.

But all those plans had suddenly changed when her mother collapsed in Liam's arms. Just barely had he managed to save her from falling down the stony stairs in front of the whole world watching.

Immediately a riot had started and everybody had suspected another attack. Was the queen shot by some sniper? By someone in the crowd? Was she stabbed like her husband? Or poisoned? In any case, there was no blood...

The news and all the speculation had been unbearable to watch. Rachael had forced them to do so anyways. Apparently it was of vital importance that they were aware of every sick little thing going through the people's minds right now. And that they watched Liam carrying his unconscious mother to the ambulance waiting nearby over and over again.

Dehydration, they had said. The heat, the grief. Also, she hadn't really eaten in days. As none of them had. And as Eleanor came to think about it, she was surprised that only one of them had fainted today.

In the end they had released her home to the palace where their royal doctor would check on her again. And the remaining schedule for the day had been cleared in order to give the queen and her family time to rest and to recover.

However, there was one who didn't feel like resting much.

"I demand to start planning the event of my coronation," said Cyrus, "The people are in utter distress and deep shock, they need something to look forward to, to give them hope."

"Hope in the form of YOU being their king?" scoffed Eleanor, "I have a feeling they may gladly wait a little longer for this."

Resentfully he stuck his finger almost right into her face and spit out: "You should shut your filthy bastard mouth, would-be-princess! Be glad that I didn't throw you out of the palace yet. I am the King of England now."

Eleanor jumped up from her chair and yelled right back at him: "So what? You got what you always wanted, didn't you? Now, can't you really allow just one more day for our family and the people to grief the late king? Especially after the queen collapsed right in front of their eyes? How sick and pathetic are you?"

"The physical constitution of your mother is none of my concern. For all I know, she may have been drunk or drugged... It doesn't matter anymore. She is not the bloody queen anymore." A self-complacent grin crept across his face. "I am the king now, and you all must bow to me. Everyone must bow to me! And I will be crowned before the week is over."

"I would advise to not rush things in this matter..."

Suddenly, they turned around to where Lucius was standing in the door, accompanied by Dr. Cohen.

Liam pressed ahead: "How is she?"

"Can we see her?" Eleanor added.

"She has recovered from the worst but she is still in shock," answered Dr. Cohen.

"What does that mean?"

Lucius raised his voice to make sure everybody would hear loud and clear what he was about to say, well aware of the weight his words would have: "I have the honor to announce that Her Majesty Queen Helena is with child."


	18. Chapter 18

For a moment there was silence. Then everybody started talking, yelling at once.

"WHAT?!" Eleanor gasped, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

And Liam added: "You're joking, right?"

"This is not possible!" exclaimed the queen's mother, "My baby's having another baby?"

Cyrus's face was frozen in utter disbelief. "If this IS a joke, it's far from a good one."

"But she's like 100 years old?" Eleanor again.

The doctor visibly felt a little uncomfortable in the midst of this sudden uproar. He cleared his throat. "It is of paramount importance that in Her Majesty's condition..." He stopped and looked around the room. "Excuse me, but I should only be sharing this with the closest family."

Lucius indicated a bow and left. Then all eyes turned to Cyrus.

"What are you all staring at me for?" he requested, enraged, "I am her dearly devoted brother in law, I'm part of her closest family!"

"Oh, are you now?" Eleanor scoffed, "You're not dearly devoted to anyone, least our mother, and..." she faked a surprise, "oh no! Looks like, you're not even going to be king after all!"

Seeing the rage on his uncle's face, Liam gently put a hand on her back to calm her down. "Let's not discuss this now... Dr. Cohen, please feel free to speak. We need to hear about our mother's condition. Whether my uncle stays or not, it won't make a difference. In any way within this palace, the walls have ears."

"Very well then. As happy as I'm sure this news is for... all of you, it is very important to always remember a few things. The pregnancy is still relatively fresh, about six weeks. And... due to Her Majesty's age, I have to inform you about the vastly increased risk of anomalies, miscarriage or stillbirth. Giving birth to a healthy baby at this age is... excuse me for being so frank, not all too likely. The body is simply not equipped for this anymore. Especially taking into account the extraordinary mental and physical stress the queen has been under lately..."

Eleanor swallowed and looked at her grandmother. The duchess asked: "But... she's okay now, isn't she? And the baby?"  
The doctor nodded. "Mother and child are doing well. Given the circumstances. Queen Helena had born three healthy children before. This is the good news! It is an advantage over women who've never had a child. So... who knows? Maybe our new king or queen indeed won't be born before next spring."

"Or, maybe," Cyrus added, "this family will suffer another tragedy very soon."

The children's angry stares were the only consolation he could find in this moment. All his hopes and dreams, crushed by an ugly thing the size of a pea. Even after his death, his brother knew how to ruin his life!

He looked pale, shaken and utterly disturbed. "I just don't get it... How? I mean... how is this even possible? She's almost 50!"

Again, the doctor felt a little uncomfortable discussing these personal matters with almost the entire royal family. But this seemed to be a question on everyone's mind. He cleared his throat once more. "Until a woman has completely passed menopause, she's still able to conceive. It gets less and less likely, yes. And as I mentioned before, actually having a baby gets even less likely. But it is not impossible. In fact, quite many get pregnant in their late forties. But few even notice before their bodies terminate the pregnancy soon after."

Liam looked worried. "Is there anything we can do?"

"Care for her. Show her your support. Make sure she eats well, she avoids any kind of stress from now on and that she gets as much rest as possible."

"Oh, we will do that, don't you worry...," Cyrus mumbled, but nobody seemed to take notice.

Eleanor asked: "When can we see her?"

The doctor was just about to answer when the door opened and the queen walked in, wearning heels and a tight short dress as usual, as if nothing ever happened.

"Alright then... If everybody is done talking about my womb, I would like to have dinner," she said as she was sitting down.

Her family just stared at her, completely overwhelmed by this unexpected entrance. Helena didn't look at them and started playing around on her phone. Without looking up she said: "Dr. Cohen, you're welcome to go. For now, I wish to not see your face anymore. Even though I'm adfraid I have to really soon..."

He wasn't even surprised about this reaction. After all, he knew better than anyone that a pregnant woman's moods were unpredictable.

When he was gone, it remained silent. Eleanor looked at Liam. Why was she not saying anything, anything at all about this? She wasn't even looking at them.

She walked up to her mother and squatted down next to her chair.

"Mom? Are you all right? Please say something!"

Alexandra stepped up to her other side and gently stroked her daughter's hair. She didn't react. "We're worried, darling. Please. Is there anything we can do?"

Cyrus rolled his eyes, turned around and stomped out of the room.

"Guys, please," said Liam, "You heard what the doctor said. Let's give her some peace and quiet. We can talk later."

Finally Helena looked up from her phone and faintly smiled at her son.

Reluctantly, they left her alone as her dinner was served.


	19. Chapter 19

The next day was just as sunny and warm as the last. And the mere fact that they didn't have a funeral march to attend made it so much nicer. Even though... the unbelievable news they had received last night had changed everything immediately. And it made father's funeral seem so far away.

The king is dead, long live the king. Never had this old proverb felt more accurate than now. The king had died, but he'd left behind a promise, a new hope. A child in whose soul he'd live on for, hopefully, the decades to come.

Liam could already see Eleanor and Jasper from afar as he was walking down the stairs to the private gardens of the royal family. They were lying on a blanket in the grass, both of them wearing black despite the friendly weather, as was Liam himself. Oh well... for the bodyguard this was nothing unusual, in fact.

As he approached, he couldn't help but smile. "You guys are making me jealous! Marcus never prepared a picnic in the park for me."

"Shut up, shitface!" Eleanor pretended to be upset, but he noticed that she was trying a bit too hard. She didn't want to admit how much she enjoyed spending time with Jasper. Even though by now they seemed to close, you may even catch yourself calling them a couple. Only you should never do so to her face.

Without waiting for an invitation he sat down next to them. He looked at his sister, then at her bodyguard, then back at his sister. The topic of the unborn prince or princess was hanging in the air as heavily as the scent of their grandmother's rose garden. After a while of uncomfortable silence, Jasper cleared his throat and took one for the team by finally adressing the elephant in the room. "Not sure if congratulations are in order, Sir."

Liam smiled. "Well, I for one didn't have anything to do with this, that's for sure. But anyway, I'm glad to hear this is good news for you too. It is for all of us. But I do hope once you're married to my sister, you'll stop calling me 'Sir'."

Eleanor threw an apple at his head, which actually hurt quite a bit since she was sitting right next to him.

Jasper did not smile at his little joke, of course. "It certainly is great news. I'm sure the queen must be..."  
"Devastated, deeply disturbed and deranged?" Liam finished his sentence. "Oh, most definitely!"

"Poor mum...," sighed Eleanor, "Somehow I saw this coming, you know? Her breasts had just gotten gigantic, all of a sudden! I thought she'd had a boob job or something, but... wow! Didn't you notice?"

Both men blushed. "I'm afraid I tend to focus my attention on other things than my mother's breasts," answered Liam while Jasper was uncomfortably looking the other way.

She nodded: "Anyway... Just imagine! You just lost your husband... only weeks after you lost your son. And all of a sudden you're pregnant, even though you'd never thought this was even possible? How can you be happy about it? What are you even supposed to feel? Not even I'd know what I should feel, and I'm well experienced in feeling in multiple dimensions, especially since I've been sober for five days in a row now! And the baby... Not even born yet, far from it, but already King or Queen of England! So much responsibility. So much history. How can this be carried by such a tiny little thing that probably doesn't even have a brain yet?"

Liam nodded. "Well, still more of a brain than the other contender for the throne... One thing's for sure. I'd rather bow to a fetus than to our dear uncle. And whatever happens, we have to protect our mother and her child no matter what. I wouldn't be surprised if right now Cyrus is thinking about how to end this pregnancy. It would be so easy! He most likely wouldn't even need to harm her, just terrorize her enough to induce a miscarriage. And most of all... our father's killer is still out there, and who knows, our mother may be his next target. He'd kill two birds with one stone."

Eleanor was shocked at this realization. "Did you find out anything new? About this weird symbol that suddenly seems to appear everywhere? Does it have anything to do with our father's murder?"

Liam sighed: "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it does. That's why I need your help, Jasper. You're the only one I trust in this. Not Scotland Yard, not Ted Pryce... But together, we can find this son-of-a-bitch and run him down."

Jasper nodded. "You can rely on me. I'll do everything I can."

"Right now it's become more important than ever."

"And what can I do?" asked Eleanor, "You surely don't plan on doing this thing without me?"

"It's too dangerous," both men said at the same time. And Liam added: "You remember the time when you had nothing to do but drinking, partying and taking drugs? Well, now you finally have a duty! You have someone to take care of."

She scoffed: "The baby is merely the size of a peanut, Liam. Aren't you exaggerating a bit?"

"I'm not talking about the baby. I'm talking about mum. You have to watch out for her. You two have a special connection, she trusts you."

"Yeah, I wish... I tried! I went to see her this morning, but Lucius sent me away. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"She doesn't want to talk to anyone. Give her some time. She's in an impossibly difficult place right now, you just said so yourself. Eventually, she'll come to you."

He got up and straightened his suit. "Jasper, once you put my sister to bed for her afternoon nap, can you come and see me? I have some more details to share with you."

Eleanor threw another apple, but this time she missed as Liam truned around and walked away with a grin.


	20. Chapter 20

With a sigh she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She didn't notice how he was watching her, worried.

"Darling?" he said finally. It took a while until she managed to open her eyes again and look at him.

"You look exhausted... and a little pale. You can still get off the plane, you know? You don't have to come with me. It wasn't planned anyway. Maybe you should rather stay home and get some rest."

She dismissed his idea with a move of her hand and smiled faintly. "One could get the idea that you don't want me there with you."

"You're joking, right?" he laughed, then leaned forward and took her hand in his, "You joining me on this trip is the best thing that could have happened to me. And to us! The people will be beyond excited. No one wants to see the king, that's boring. They want the queen! They want pretty gowns and diamonds and tiaras."

Now she had to laugh as well. "Well then... We'll give it to them! Let them see the glamour they gave up when they decided to throw those chests of tea into Boston Harbor."

"That's how I know and love my Helena!"

Their first stop was Washington DC. It had been years since they had last visited the White House, definitely not since the presidency of Obama. Simon did not seem to have noticed that she had refused all alcohol during the entire time, even the traditional glass of champagne at the press banquet.

But Michelle had noticed. She had smiled at her and whispered: "Congratulations, I guess?"

Helena had blushed and smiled back. Then she had put her finger against her lips with a conspirational wink.

For a few days now she had known that she was expecting another child. She hadn't told Simon yet. It was her main reason for joining her husband on his state visit to the United States. She wanted to wait for the perfect moment to tell him. Her heart was beating a little faster, each time she imagined the look in his eyes when she'd break the news to him. He would be over the moon!

He had been every time. But this time, it was even more of a miracle. It was even more special. And this time he would know for sure: it was his...

New York City was their next and final stop on this rather short trip. As usual, they were staying in the Grand Penthouse Suite on the top floor of the Plaza Hotel, overlooking Central Park.

Helena had always loved Central Park. But in winter, covered in fresh fallen snow against a deep blue sky, like today, she found it most special, it was magic! It was perfect...

Lost in her thoughts, she was standing at the window, her gaze lost in the distance. Simon stepped behind her and put his arms around her waist. With a smile, she took his hands and carefully placed them over her still flat belly, covering their unborn child.

She heard him sigh against her ear. He was happy. "You know," he said quietly, "Sometimes I come to think... being the King of England is not the worst job after all."

"Oh, really?" She turned her head to look at him, then leaned in to kiss him, gently. A thousand butterflies were dancing in her stomach. It was time.

He looked outside again and whispered: "Do you remember... all those years ago. It was this very room, standing on this very spot. And I think there even was snow, just like today! That day you told me you were pregnant with Robert."

She nodded. "Of course I remember."

She saw a sadness overcoming him at the thought of his late firstborn son. She turned around and took his hands into hers, looking up into his eyes.

"Darling? I've got to tell you something. I've been thinking... for a long time what would be the best way to say it, and... frankly, I will just say it. Especially since there's no better place than here, no better time than now."

She saw him frown, trying to make sense of her words. In this moment, her heart was beating uncontrollably and she felt as if she was about to pass out. One last deep breath, then she said it.

"Simon... we're having a baby."

His face didn't change at all upon hearing this news. She put her hand on his cheek, and with the other she gently placed his hand on her belly as she repeated, more clearly this time: "I'm pregnant."

For a moment he didn't say a word. No wonder, at her age, this was pretty hard to believe after all.

Then life returned to his eyes, and he slowly placed his other hand on her belly as well, shaking.

"My God...," he whispered in utter disbelief, "Really?"

She bit her lower lip, trying to fight the tears of joy as she nodded.

"Really?" he asked again, tears now also welling up in his eyes, "Is it true... Are you sure?"

She had to laugh a little. He looked so sweet and at the same time so completely lost in his emotions. "I am. The doctor confirmed it last week. We're having a baby, honey!"

He pulled her into his arms, finally starting to sob. She held him and closed her eyes, savoring this moment they were sharing for a while. Then she whispered: "I know this baby won't bring back what we've lost, but..."

He looked at her and shook his head. "Don't say that, do you hear me? It's going to be all right now. Now everything's going to be all right."

He hugged her again, tight, then seemed to remember how fragile she was and let go of her immediately. Instead he lifted her up on his arms and carried her over to the bed, gently putting her down. She grinned: "Don't worry, I won't break. It's okay."

But he shook his head. "We need to be very careful now. I don't want to hurt you or the baby."

He lay down next to her, his face only few inches away from hers.

"You could never hurt us. As long as you're here to protect us."

Then, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. Her husband. Her lover. The father of her unborn child. Her king.

From this moment on, everything was different. She couldn't remember when she had last seen him this happy. Maybe never. And the only thing he seemed to care about was taking care of her. Making sure she would sleep alright, eat alright, be comfortable and get as much rest as possible.

As their plane was about to take off back to London, a long and stressful day full of meetings, speeches and shaking hands lay behind them. Helena looked beautiful as always, but he could see that she was completely exhausted. Right away he led her to the back of the Royal Jet to lay down on the bed.

The co-pilot cleared his throat. "I'm... I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but I have to ask both of you to sit down and fasten your seat belts for take off. Once we're up in the air, you may lay down again."

With a completely straight face Simon delivered his response, very untypical for him: "Well, I'm sorry too, but we will do no such thing. The queen is exhausted, I guess you can see that, and desperately needs some rest, not once we're up in the air, but right now. And if you don't manage to get us home safely, seat belt or not, then rest assured that dying in the crash would be the least of your concerns."

And so it was settled. Thankful, Helena fell asleep, her husband's loving blue eyes being the last thing she would see.

First, she felt the mattress pressing against her body as she slowly woke up. Then the weight of the blanket on top of her, hot and heavy. She was covered in sweat, and she felt sick. As she opened her eyes, it was dark around her, only few rays of sunlight daring to peek through the velvet curtains.

Dark and so quiet. She was alone. Simon was gone. So real! She could still see his eyes in front of her, hear his voice, feel his touch and taste his kiss on her lips.

Hot tears were starting to run down her face. He was gone. A dream it was, nothing more. The most beautiful and cruelest of dreams. She had to throw up and barely made it to the bathroom in time. That thing inside of her at least left no room for doubt: it wasn't a dream. It was very real.

As she was slowly walking back to her bed, dizzy and feeble, she heard a knock on the door as if coming from very far away.

"Helena, dear!" her mother's voice, "May I come in? Please!..."


	21. Chapter 21

She rolled her eyes. She hadn't really spoken to anyone from her family since they had heard the news. She didn't want to see anybody, not even her children, and least of all her brother in law.

All the stares, the questions... the need for her to say something, she couldn't bear it.

But now, after this dream and this horrible awakening, she felt lonely all of a sudden. And she was yearning for the company of her mother, a curious situation she started to regret as soon as the duchess had closed the door behind her.

"Darling, you look horrible!" she uttered in shock.

Helena didn't reply as she walked over to the table to pour herself a glass of water.

"Even though," her mother added staring at her cleavage, "your breasts... impressive! I really wonder how I could've missed this before."

"Mother! Don't the people miss you down in Oxford? I think it's time for you to go home."

"I will do no such thing. My daughter is having a baby and I will stay by her side."

"Oh, please! Don't act as if you care so much about my well-being. You care about the fact that I'm carrying the future king or queen, that's all."

"And so what? All the same... I must congratulate you, my dear! This is a move not even I would've been able to conceive."

Helena couldn't believe her ears. "Do you think this is all a scheme? Do you think I planned this?"

"This baby is our only chance to save the British crown from this disgrace of a drug addict without any sense of style."

"Mother, just to be very clear here," she was enraged, screaming, "I got pregnant about six weeks ago! The paternity scandal happened after. Simon's attack happened after, or do you seriously think I had sex with a comatose in order to get myself knocked up? I'm almost fifty years old for heaven's sake! How should I have known there's even the slightest chance of this happening to me? Jesus Christ, does nobody believe that I actually slept with my husband for no other motivation than that I loved him? Is this seriously so hard to believe for all of you?"

Alexandra was hardly ever at a loss for words, but witnessing this outburst of her daughter she decided to rather not answer this question.

Instead, she went over to Helena and sat down next to her on the bed. To her surprise, she let her. She just looked completely lost, helpless and desperate.

Carefully she thought about her next words. She didn't want to agitate her daughter even more. After all, she knew very well that any more stress was poison in her current situation.

She tried to sound calm and warm as best she could when she asked: "Aren't you happy about this at all? Aren't you looking forward to having another baby? I mean... despite everything?"

"Despite everything? How could I forget about this? Ever? It's not right... It's just not right. When the doctor told me, my first reaction was looking for Simon. I had to tell him, you know... But then I remembered," she swallowed hard as her thoughts traveled back to that hotel suite in New York, overlooking Central Park. So real! So brutal.

"I feel horrible. My body is revolting. It's simply against nature, I can feel that every second."

Her mother scoffed: "Helena, please! It happened anyway, didn't it? And it's the best that could've happened to you. To all of us."

As she turned her head to look at her, Alexandra could see the tears in her daughter's eyes, how upset she really was.

"I have a dead man's child growing inside me, mother. Do you have any idea what that feels like? It's not like the father just left me. He is dead. He is never coming back. He will never hold his child in his arms. It's not right!" she sighed, leaned forward and through the veil of her tears stared at the floor, "I miss him with every breath I take, and this baby will always remind me of him. The wounds will never heal."

Alexandra understood what her daughter was saying, and she felt for her. But this destructive attitude had to stop! She grabbed her hand and pressed it tight.

"Helena, look at me!" She did, and her mother continued: "You have to stop this, do you hear me! You know how self-pity disgusts me. What good will all this whining do, huh? Will it bring him back to you? I don't think so. You have to stop hiding in your room, deal with what you've been given and make the best out of it, and you've been given an amazing opportunity here! You know how the people love royal babies. Especially in this situation, after the paternity scandal, after all that happened. You will be more popular, more loved than ever! And no one will talk about a referendum anymore. This baby will save us all! And you, my dear...," she gave her daughter a warm smile, "You may not feel great now, you may not even look great. But you're glowing, Helena. Even though... that may still be the fever. But you will look gorgeous during this pregnancy. So beautiful and vulnerable and full of love. You will be a goddess! The goddess you were born to be."

Helena could not reciprocate her mother's smile, despite all the feigned nice words. Coldly, she replied: "How long after I lost this baby will you still be here, mother? When all of this is over? When everything is lost? And you're not the queen's mother anymore, nor the king's or queen's grandmother? Just a someone who once was?"

She continued to smile. "But of course, I will always be there for you, darling!"

Helena got up from the bed, wrapped her bed robe a little tighter around her body and declared with a stern voice: "I want you to leave! I cannot have you around here anymore. Your words poison the air. If you really want to do everything you can to protect me and out future king or queen, then go away! And don't come back here before the baby is born."

Reluctantly, but so she did.


	22. Chapter 22

On shaking legs she entered the room. Immediately, her eyes found his. Just as bright blue as in real life, still made from flaky paint. None of their older children had quite the same shade of blue Simon had. Would their youngest?

She stood in front of the painting looking up at her now deceased husband, regal and somehow fake, more than he ever was. She felt as if his eyes were looking right into her soul, into her body.

And for the first time since she'd heard the news, she dared to carefully place a hand on her belly. She looked down. Her wedding ring was shimmering golden in the candle light. She was still completely flat. Or wasn't she? She felt strange, that was out of question. And yes, she felt pregnant. Something was definitely there, inside of her. She was pregnant. Only this time, everything was different.

She looked up again at the picture. "Why, Simon?" she whispered. "Why did you leave us?"

"Don't worry, my love, I'm back already" she heard a much too familiar voice and turned around.

Cyrus was smirking his usual, gut-wrenching smirk as he was walking over to the table to pour himself a glass of scotch.

"Do you want some? Oh, silly me... No more liqueur for you for at least one year, I assume? Do you plan to breastfeed our new king or queen, Your Majesty? Those voluminous tits of yours are almost begging for it..."

She closed her eyes and sighed. There it was again... Was her upper body the only topic people cared about?

"Commenting on a pregnant woman's breasts... Come on, Cyrus, you're better than that."

"I know, I know, but I literally cannot see past it, all of a sudden it's all too obvious."

She sighed and replied quietly: "Please... I'm wounded, Cyrus. I'm tired, I'm weak. I'm easy prey, too easy for you. How about a truce for a few more days, wouldn't that be more fun?"

"Oh, that's quite all right, I've learned to lower my expectations. And actually, I want to compliment you. Well played, queen!" He spat out the following words, the candle light dancing maliciously on his face: "You lured my brother into your bed and between your legs like a devious serpent and he put the bun right there in the oven where you wanted it."

She scoffed and shook her head: "Are you all mad? There's no chance in hell I could have planned all this, don't you get it? I am not God, after all, as much as I may like to claim otherwise. So all of you with your accusations and suspicions, leave me the fuck alone!"

His tone became more and more threatening word by word. "Well, beg your pardon, Your Majesty, but I cannot and I won't. I don't give up so easily, you should know this by know. This is my throne, and my crown, and no one will take that away from me, least of all some driveling infant."

"And what do you want to do about it? Do you want to question the parentage of this one too?"

"No... I think all of London, at least everyone with ears knows that this... thing is lawful."

"You know that the twins are too!"

"Do I? Do you? Then why don't you prove it? Because you don't! No, no... those brats are out. Only one left, but an almost ridiculously easy target... Seems like I'm just one tragic miscarriage away from my destiny."

Helena felt her knees going weak, both her hands now protectively resting on her stomach. Though she tried her hardest not to let her discomfort show.

"You do realize you're threatening to kill your future king or queen."

"Oh, I won't kill anyone. The way I see it, all I have to do is wait. You're too old. You're lonely, you're desperate. Everyone around you is going crazy, just wait until the people learn about this. And, there's still a murderer on the loose. You won't be able to rest, you won't be able to sleep at night... and sleep is so important, isn't it?"

She felt her head getting dizzy and another wave of nausea approaching. She had to get out of here. Her voice was shaking a little, but that didn't hide the danger in her words.

"You shut your mouth, Cyrus! You have no power. You're no one. And for what you just told me, I could have you arrested, and worse. Next time you attack me, this child or my other children, believe me I will. And now get out of my sight before I reconsider letting you walk away like that!"

His features were dark, but he was smirking still. He knew. She could threaten him however she liked and she may even be right, but eventually this pregnancy was a fragile little butterfly doomed to fly away any second she wasn't paying full attention. And what then? He'd end up king after all. And he'd won.

She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't.

Only then did she realize that he was still standing there. Feverishly, she thought about what to reply to his defying her order. Then thankfully, the dangerous silence was disrupted by a knock on the door.

"No way!" she proclaimed decisively, "I won't have it. It's much too soon. It's too dangerous."

Rachel remained calm: "I'm afraid there's no other way, Your Majesty. We must announce your pregnancy now."

"You more than anybody should know that this is madness. You never announce a pregnancy before the first three months are over. We never did. And especially now..." she sighed and looked almost pleadingly at her publicist, "I can't go through this, Rachel. A miscarriage in front of the whole world... Not now! Last time at least nobody knew about it. I will lose my mind. Please, don't make me do this."

"I'm not making you do this. I couldn't anyway! But I'm telling you, the people are worried, they wonder. Why aren't we announcing the coronation ceremony for Cyrus? Why is Cyrus not appearing as king anymore? It's been over a week now that your husband has passed and no word about his successor. And to be honest... If we don't announce your pregnancy soon, the people will have figured it out by themselves, especially after what happened with you during the funeral procession."

She showed her a few newspapers that she for once hadn't paid any attention to over the past few days. The cover pages were full of images of herself. Her fainting on the stairs of Westminster Abbey, her being carried away by her son, an older image showing her happily in love smiling at her husband and Simon smiling back at her.

'The king's last gift to his beautiful queen?' it was written, and beneath, 'Is Queen Helena carrying a bittersweet secret?'

Another paper showing her before her breakdown during the funeral, absentmindedly placing a hand on her belly. She couldn't remember it and she was sure she didn't do it on purpose. The headline was less mystical than the one before: 'Queen Helena pregnant? Palace still hasn't denied baby rumours.'

Helena looked at Rachel again. She sighed: "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. But I'm afraid we have no choice. We cannot wait another month with this."

The queen started massaging her temples. What a day this has been... Then she got up from her chair.

"A simple and short press release, one sentence, no more. 'Buckingham Palace is happy to announce that His Majesty the late King Simon and Her Majesty Queen Helena are expecting a child in spring next year.' No quotes. I will not speak publicly, nor will I appear in public for at least one week. Understood?"

"Understood, Your Majesty. And don't worry, it's all going to be all right."

She tried to smile, even though she wasn't so sure. She wasn't sure at all.


	23. Chapter 23

_Hi there! Sorry it took so long, once again! Busy as usual. But I do hope I'll have the next chapter up sooner. Fingers crossed! Hope you're still reading and enjoying the story! Cheers & thanks a lot to all of you!_

* * *

She rose to stand on the tip of her toes to give herself an extra inch of height and be able to reach the top of the wall projection above her. She felt the cold and dusty stone beneath her fingertips. Apart from that, she felt nothing. She searched a little to the left, a little to the right. Still nothing. She sent a quiet curse towards the sky. And then she found it!

Carefully she took the little plastic bag and sat down on the bench to her left. Her daughter's emergency stash, always there when she needed it. Bless her heart! With a sigh she started rolling a joint when suddenly she heard someone approaching.

"Mum! What the fuck are you doing?"

Without further notice, Eleanor slapped the smoking utensils out of her mother's hand. The queen was not amused. "Are you nuts?"

Eleanor was yelling, she was furious: "You cannot take drugs, mum, you're fucking pregnant, okay?"

"It's weed, it's medicine! It's for calming your nerves, you should know that."

"But not when you're pregnant! I can't believe this! This... All this is... so fucked up..."

Tears were welling up in her eyes and she let herself sink down on the bench next to her mother. She pulled her knees close to her chest and quietly started to sob. Just as quietly, Liam appeared and sat down on her other side, without a word.

Helena was completely taken by surprise. She hadn't talked to her children within the past few days, ever since the evening of her husband's funeral. And she hadn't expected to meet them here. She just wasn't ready yet. Why couldn't everybody just leave her alone?

"Yes," she sighed, her voice a little hoarse, "'fucked up' is putting it very nicely."

"How are you doing, mother?" asked Liam.

She sighed again. "What do you think?"

"We were worried. We wanted to see you, to talk to you. Why did you refuse?"

"Liam, I... please! This is not an easy situation for me."

"It's not an easy situation for anyone. Grandmother told us you sent her away and threatened her to not come back before the birth of the baby."

"The last thing I need right now is even more people telling me what to do. It's bad enough as it is... Tomorrow we're going to release an official statement. And next week, most likely, the whole world is going to mourn my miscarriage. And I have to stand there, and smile, and look strong as always."

"Don't say that!" Eleanor looked up at her, black mascara tears running down her face, "You're not making it better when you're drowning yourself in self-pity."

"Self-pity? I beg your pardon! I have just lost my son, my husband, I'm carrying a dead man's child inside me, and your uncle just threatened to kill me! Or something like that..."

"WHAT?!"

"What, are you surprised?"

Eleanor sighed: "Not really..."

For a while they just sat there, all three of them without a word, staring into the night. Finally, Helena said: "I'm sorry, you know... I wish our next encounter would have gone differently. I wanted to see you too, but... I just couldn't. The idea of seeing you made me think about... about Simon, about Robert... and about the other one."

"The other one?" asked Liam, "Is that how fondly you refer to our little brother or sister? To your king or queen? To dad's last gift that you carry beneath your heart?"

Helena scoffed: "Oh, please! It's an accumulation of cells the size of a peanut! Nothing more. A parasite eating me up from the inside. Sometimes I just... I wish I could just get an abortion and be done with it."

"It's your child, your baby!" yelled Eleanor, "You can't do this! It's the only thing that can save us all from the hell that is King Cyrus."

Helena sighed: "I know... and he does too."

She fell silent as her daughter carefully started to observe her. When her gaze reached her mother's belly, she quickly folded her hands across her lap.

"Seriously, mum... How are you doing? How do you feel?" Eleanor's tone had become calm and caring. She was truly worried.

"Tired. Exhausted. Nauseous, pretty much all the time. It's just... weird. It feels so different and yet so familiar."

"What does it feel like... to be pregnant?"

"I'm not sure I want to tell you."

"It must be... nice, no? Apart from the puking?"

She shot a reproachful look at her daughter.

"Well... Apart from the puking, you'll bow up like a hot air balloon, your feet swell up, your hair falls out, you get stretch marks in the most unlikely places, and it takes months to get back in shape afterwards. And God forbid you're having twins!"

Eleanor nodded slowly. "I see..."

The talk with her mother didn't necessarily go as planned. She just really wanted to give her comfort, why was she making it so hard? She looked over at her brother who seemed to be just as much at a loss here.

"Anyhow," said Helena, "thanks for at least not commenting on my breasts, by the way. They seem to be everything people care about these days."

Eleanor blushed and cleared her throat.

Liam asked: "How far along are you, actually? When will the baby be born?"

"And will it be a girl or boy?" added Eleanor.

"I'm about six weeks pregnant... The child is due in March next year. And it's too soon to tell."

It felt strange saying these words. How she would have loved to tell them to Simon! He would have been so happy... She pressed her hands on her stomach as the tears came once again.

"Mum, are you okay?"

"We talked about it, you know... your father and I. Not long ago."  
"About what?"

"Having another child. Your father wanted it so much... But we knew it was too late. I am too old."

Eleanor bit her lower lip and gently put her hand on her mother's back.

"Also... I never told you but... when you were eight years old, I had a miscarriage. It happened just about one week after we had found out I was pregnant, so it was very fresh. Nobody knew about it. However, your father was devastated. And I don't know, but... I feel like this had broken something we were never really able to fix."

Her children were speechless. Eleanor was shaking and couldn't help herself but give her mother a hug. "Wow... I'm... I'm so sorry, mum!"

"This time it will be different," Liam proclaimed. And he sincerely sounded sure of himself.

"Liam is right," said his sister as she got up from the bench since she was starting to get cold, "It's all going to be okay. You'll blow up like a balloon, and you're going to look fabulous while you're at it. And you're going to have this baby and be a wonderful mum... for a change."

Helena looked up to her, apologies in her eyes for everything she had done.

"I'm happy for you, mum. I really am. And you should be happy to. It's a new chance for you to make it right. And you should take it. Oh... and you should get a jacket if you want to stay outside, it's getting cold."

She smiled, then she turned around and left.

Liam took off his cardigan and placed it around his mother's slim shoulders. Barely ever did he notice how fragile she really was.

"Len is right, mum. You need to take of yourself. You need to watch out."

Helena scoffed: "Don't worry about your uncle, I can handle that mediocre scumbag any day of the week."

"I'm not talking about Cyrus." He looked serious all of a sudden. "Grandma came to talk to me before she left. And she told me to warn you, about Domino. She said you'd know what that meant."

Suddenly, she was startled. Where did this come from? And how did he know about it, why did her mother tell him, and what?

"But, how...?"

He cut her off: "That doesn't matter. I knew about it. And I know that it was them who killed our father. And yes, I'm still determined to find them, and to avenge his death."

"Liam..."  
"She didn't tell me much more than that because she didn't want me to get into trouble. It doesn't matter, I will find out either way. Only, she said we need to watch out, especially you. Most likely, you're their main target now, even more so once they learn about your condition. But don't worry, mum... I'll look out for you, we all will."

Helena was speechless. She grabbed the seams of his cardigan and pulled it closer around her. Indeed, it was freezing cold all of a sudden.

"Thank you, Liam. I appreciate that. And... I promise I will do everything to protect this child. My child... your... little brother or sister."

He nodded and smiled down at her. "Good night, mum!"


	24. Chapter 24

"You cannot be serious, right?" she looked around, but no one was grinning. "Right?!"

She turned to the side, looked at herself in the mirror and touched the tight fabric stretching across her waist.

"This dress makes me look more pregnant than I'll be for at least the next two months!"

"It's supposed to emphasize the belly", Rachel answered.

"But that's completely ridiculous! Why would anyone want that?" the queen was at a loss here, and furious on top of that.

"It's what the people want! You should remember... There's nothing the people love more than seeing their queen's baby bump for the first time."

Helena scoffed. She wasn't showing yet, thank goodness, but apparently, no one cared.

She anyway had felt dizzy and nauseous all morning thinking of what lay ahead of her. Her first public appearance since the funeral. And almost more importantly, her first public appearance since that earth-shattering press release last week. Everything had been madness and mayhem since then. The phones wouldn't stop ringing, the palace was surrounded by paparazzi 24/7, Rachel had barely slept and every day they caught more intruders sneaking onto the palace grounds. She felt like prey, and everybody was out to get her. So she had chosen to attack herself.

The ceremonial opening of a nursery for refugee children. How fitting. Shaking a few hands, saying a few words and cutting the ribbon. That's it. Ideally before she'd faint again in front of the cameras, or even worse, throw up. Nothing too big for now.

In theory, that is. In truth, it would probably be the event of the year for the people, bigger even than her husband's funeral just a few weeks ago. Allegedly, the streets were already filled with people for two blocks surrounding the venue. Everybody seemed to be wanting to catch a glimpse of their pregnant queen. Their pregnant, lonely, depressed queen, of course.

For a moment, everyone had given her a last few minutes for herself as she was finally prepped in her ugly dress but at least decent hair and make up, waiting alone in the grand hall before stepping out into the open air. She could almost hear the turmoil that was going on outside the gates, hear the voices and the cameras clicking and flashing.

She turned away from the windows and gasped. Ted Pryce was standing right in front of her, looking as bleak as always.

"Lord have mercy!", she placed her hand on her racing heart, "You scared me."  
"I didn't mean to, Your Majesty."

"What are you doing here? Don't tell me you're going to... Don't tell me that you are my security detail now!"

"As your Head of Security it is my duty to protect the reigning monarch of England."

She frowned: "And who would that be?... Oh... No, wait. You must be joking!"

"I beg your pardon, Your Majesty."

"You're seriously telling me that I'm paying you, first for getting my husband killed and now for protecting an embryo?"

"I guess it would be the tax payer who's paying me."

She scoffed, but before she could answer, her actual bodyguard entered the hall, nodding towards her. "It is time, Your Majesty. The car is ready. It's waiting right in front, just a few meters."

Immediately her legs started shaking at the thought of going out there. Rachel, who had entered together with him, came standing by her side and smiled: "It's all going to be all right, Your Majesty. It's all going to be over soon. Once this is done, you may have a chance at peace again, we all do. And you're going to make a great deal of people very happy. And isn't that what being royal is all about?"

It should turn out to be an out of body experience, almost. Helena felt as if she was seeing herself from the outside, standing down there in the crowd, cheering and waving, watching her every move.

People were jumping up and down, some even threw flowers, teddybears or other toys.

Your king just died a few weeks ago, murdered!, she wanted to yell at them. Instead she smiled and waved back. All the blessed and happy expecting mother that she was.

A mere twenty seconds later, the first and potentially most difficult part was done and she was sitting in the car. Immediately Rachel was on her phone to check the breaking news. Photos of the queen that had been taken just minutes ago were everywhere, literally, everywhere. And all hailed her oh so adorable baby bump, their new unborn king or queen.

Upon arriving at the nursery, she had to shield her eyes from the flashes of the photographers. The noise around her went beyond anything she'd ever heard before. She had thought that she should have been used to this after her previous pregnancies, especially her first one, but truly nothing could have prepared her for this, nothing even came close.

She felt like she was suffocating. Simon... she thought. How she longed for her husband to be by her side. To protect her. Her and their unborn baby. Her heart started racing faster and faster. Did her child feel what was going on? Did it feel how she was feeling? She didn't want to transfer her stress level to her little one. She wanted to protect it, as she had promised her older children.

Unconsciously, she placed a hand on her stomach to shield her baby from all the pushing and shoving. She should have known, it was the worst thing she could have done. This tiny gesture set the people aflame for good.

"Blessed be this child!" proclaimed one woman who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, tears of joy glistening in her eyes, "It is truly a gift from God."

It was much in line with the people's general feeling towards this pregnancy. More than once she could have gotten the feeling that she was expecting a second baby Jesus. It was bizarre. Even if all too understandable. The people deserved to rejoice after all this tragedy. And it was her job to give it to them, whether she herself felt like it or not.

A toddler was placed into her arms and instinctively she held her tight, protecting her from the rest of the world. Rachel was right. It would all be over soon. And then she would be able to find peace again. No paparazzi thirsting for her every step, no Domino, no Cyrus scheming to harm her.

Oh, how she wanted it all to be true!


	25. Chapter 25

Hi there! Much faster update this time :-)

Only I can't promise new chapters will come much faster than they have lately, but I will try! I wasn't aware the waiting time gets so frustrating. To be honest, lately I've been lacking some inspiration. But I'm sure, once November comes and the show is back on the air, I'll find new motivation to really enjoy writing again.

I hope until then, you'll still stick with this story (even if sometimes it takes me a few weeks to come up with a new chapter). I'm really happy so many of you enjoy it so much!

Thanks & all the best to you!

* * *

"Her Majesty must not see this, under no circumstances."

Rachel's voice sounded worried. Extremely worried. Possibly, even more worried than she'd ever heard her before. And they'd been through quite a lot of garbage together.

Liam and Eleanor, Rachael, Lucius, Pryce, her own bodyguard and two other palace officials were standing around the table, hunching over whatever was on top. No one had heard her enter.

"What mustn't I see?"

They quickly turned around, looking shocked.

"Your Majesty!" Rachael said, "You're here."  
"Indeed. Thanks for stating the obvious."

She looked from one to the next, all of them trying to hide from her sight what was on the table, none of them finding any clever words to say.

"Allow me to repeat my question. What mustn't I see?"

"Your Majesty need not worry," Lucius answered, "the matter is none of your concern."

"I'd like to see that for myself if I may."

"Mum, please!" begged Eleanor, "You really shouldn't see this."

"I appreciate that, darling."

Rachael tried one more time: "It's purely out of medical concerns, Your Majesty."

"I'm the Queen of England, at least for now, and I won't tolerate secrets around here, medical concerns or not. Now, walk away from that table and let me see this."

Reluctantly, they did. Three photographs were spread out across the tabletop. Helena felt her stomach starting to twist and turn.

Ted Pryce cleared his throat and explained: "Each one was taken a few hours ago, each in a different location around two kilometers from here."

One of the photos was showing the slogan 'Kill the queen, kill the spawn' written in blood on a wall, another showed a graffiti of the Domino symbol she knew all too well by now, the last was another bloody exclamation on a wooden surface: 'Die, Helena, you filthy slut'

Underneath, there was a picture of her with a bloody butcher's knife jutting out of her eye.

She swallowed hard. Pryce continued: "It's pig's blood. We believe that all three are connected and come from the same group or person. Scotland Yard is investigating."

She took a deep breath, put down the photos and looked at him. "Scotland Yard has yet to produce the king's murderer if I'm not mistaken. I would appreciate them concentrating on this rather than the shenanigans of a few drunk teenagers."  
"Your Majesty, we believe this threat needs to be taken seriously," said Lucius.

"He's right mum," her daughter added, "You need to go away from here, somewhere where you and the baby are safe."

Pryce shook his head. "There's no place, no matter how secret and hidden, where she will be safer than within these walls. There's more surveillance technology and more security personnel here than anywhere else. Someone is always watching, and always within shouting distance. Unless Her Majesty wants to spend the next weeks locked away in the safe room..."

"But...," Eleanor was not convinced.

"I agree with Ted," said Liam, "Mum will be safest here. All that happened happened outside the palace."

Helena did not appreciate the way they were having this conversation as if she wasn't in the room. But she understood what her son was saying.

"Liam is right. The last thing I'd want to do now is go outside. As much as I don't like the thought of being trapped in here... whether I'm being besieged by paparazzi or people who want to kill me, it doesn't make much of a difference in the end."

Later that night she felt the need to calm her nerves through a quiet evening by the fireplace. Seeing these disturbing images had made her feel more uneasy than she'd like to admit.

Sadly, someone else seemed to have had the same idea before.

"Cyrus... I haven't seen you in a while."

He was just pouring down a glass of scotch and smirked at her as usual. Then he got up from his chair and slowly walked towards her, drops of sweat glistening on his forehead.

She sniffed. "You stink... You're drunk."  
"Oh, I'm sorry, too much alcohol in your proximity, Your Majesty? Or are you jealous?"  
"Shut up, Cyrus, you don't know what you're talking about."  
"While you do have reasons to celebrate, I assume. Your little appearance for the public seems to have made you the single most favorite person on the planet, a goddess, almost. And so I hear, you've even become a popular theme for street artists now."

He laughed, she did not. "Are you behind this?"

"Oh please, you offend me deeply! You know exactly who's behind it. And you know you'll finally get what you deserve. All of you!"

He threw his glass into the fire, shattering and bursting while being engulfed by the flames.

Helena jumped out of her skin for a split second, then tried to compose herself again. He was not to see that he, his words or his ridiculous behavior had any kind of effect on her. She was so far above him, the technically couldn't even see him anymore. All she could do was smell the foul stench of his breath.

"Oh no, it surely wasn't me. If I wanted to hurt you, I'd do it like this..."

Faster than she could conceive, his arms flashed forward and his hands closed around her neck, throttling her. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She tried to pull... claw his hands off of her, but he was too strong. There was nothing but rage and hatred left in his eyes. He seemed to have completely lost his senses.

"This pregnancy is going far to well for my taste. God forbid you will actually deliver this little shit! It's time I take the matter into my own hands."

Her eyes were widened in terror as she desperately tried to free herself, clawing at her attacker, scratching his hands and face. Bloody lines ran across his cheeks, but he didn't seem to care, not even as she went for his eyes.

He even laughed about it! "And you know what? I never liked you anyway."

She slowly felt her breath failing, aside from the searing pain in her throat. Colorful spots started dancing in front of her all around Cyrus' face, and she knew that she was about to pass out. What was happening here? Was she dying? Was he killing her? No! No, this was not the end, not like that. Not him! But her previous attempts had been of no avail, she'd have to come up with a different tactic. Only the lack of oxygen inside her head made it almost impossible to think of anything other than... breathe... breathe... air!

Ultimately, in a purely instinctive act, she reached behind her to find a three-hundred year old Ming vase. It shattered into a thousand pieces as it hit him right on the head, and immediately she felt the deadly pressure around her neck subside.

They both fell to the floor, Cyrus unconscious, the queen feverishly gasping for air. Only now the door flew open and Ted Pryce came running in, gun drawn. He saw them both and tried to make sense of the situation. Only seconds later, Liam followed, in apparent shock at what he saw.

Immediately, he was by her side, comforting her.

"Mum! Holy shit, are you okay? What happened?"

She tried to answer, but she couldn't speak, her vocal chords failing her, still gasping for air. Her neck was clearly showing reddish blue marks of strangulation and her eyes were looking weird, on top of that her hand was bleeding, cut open by one of the porcelain shards. Her entire body was shaking and cramping. They both knew: she'd been less than a minute away from death.

Once Liam had called for the emergency doctor of the palace, he walked over to Cyrus, slowly returning to consciousness while being handcuffed by Pryce. If he hadn't been there, Liam would have probably killed his uncle with his bare hands, slowly and painfully, just as he deserved it.

"You... You disgusting... disgraceful bag of scum," his voice was quiet and trembling, he was so angry, shocked and yes, disappointed, even if not really surprised.

"Take him away," he ordered, "Far away. He attempted to kill the queen and the child she's carrying. Royal or not, that should be enough to keep him locked away for quite some time."

Upon the queen's demand, she was not taken to a hospital, but was able to stay inside the palace for treatment and all the checks they deemed necessary to run on mother and child.

It turned out that she had gotten extremely lucky. Aside from the bruises around her neck and the cut on her palm she was okay. And more importantly, the baby was okay. All she was left with was a shock, a terrible headache and a husky voice that made her sound twice as old as her mother.

The doctor ordered her to stay in bed for the next two days to give her body and most of all her mind some rest.

Cyrus, so she had been told, was still in confinement on the palace grounds. One didn't want to drag him to the police and risk alerting the media to what had happened without her approval. Very well done. She indeed had no intention of another scandal of this magnitude demolishing the glorious image of the monarchy that she had just started to build for the people. At least not without careful consideration of all their options. As long as he'd stay securely out of reach to harm her or her children, for now she didn't care where he was. Wherever he was, he could rot to death there!

Eleanor had been quietly crying at her bedside for the last half hour, holding her undamaged hand. Liam was sitting on the other side, deep in thoughts.

Helena gently squeezed her daughter's hand and whispered faintly: "It's okay, darling! It's over now. I'm fine! Nothing happened. In a week or two I'll be as good as new, you'll see. Don't worry."

Liam sighed: "That's not true, mum, and you know it. Just because Cyrus is out of the way, for now, that doesn't mean we're safe, least of all you. There have been serious death threats to you, threats that came from the same people that killed our father! They're still out there. Even though Jasper and I are making good progress in finding dad's killer, we're still in the dark."  
"You have to stop doing this!" Helena replied, "You'll only get yourselves in danger. You should stay away from these people, not run towards them. There are numerous experts out to find whoever did it."

"Experts who don't do shit! They will never find dad's killer, but we will. Only we can't do so knowing so little as we do now. I know you know more than you want to admit, mum. You have to tell us everything so we can protect you. What is Domino? Who are these people? And why are they killing our family?"


	26. Chapter 26

She sighed and whispered with her ravaged voice: "Do you really want to talk about this now?"

"We have to."

"Liam!" said his sister, gently squeezing her mother's hand, "Please, she can barely speak. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"Of course, if we had time. But we don't. There's a killer on the loose, Len, at least one, and they're after us. Every minute we let pass can be one too many. I'm sorry, mum. You have to tell us now!"

She sighed again and lowered her eyes onto her blanket. Suddenly she felt uncomfortable looking her children in the eye. It was never meant to be this way. They were never meant to know. But maybe Liam was right... The more they knew about this, the more they had a chance to end this nightmare. Before anyone else from their family needed to suffer.

No, she didn't like her son and this bodyguard snooping around in this affair, but somehow she believed in them. If there was anyone who could do it right, who could avenge Simon and Robert, it was her younger son. So fierce and determined... Just like his father.

And her twins seeing her as a ruthless monster, potentially turning away from her, seemed like a small price to pay for making it stop, the fear and the unspeakable guilt she'd been living with for nigh on thirty years now. If only they had come for her first. She'd have deserved it. Not her boy... not her king.

"I've been dreading the day you'd find out since you were born... But so be it then. It's time you learn the truth about this family."

Liam and Eleanor shared a look, and for a second they weren't so sure anymore they were prepared to hear what their mother had to say.

"There was a woman once... Her name was Dominque."

"Domino," Liam whispered, "Is that what it means?"

Helena nodded.

"Who is she?"

"You probably know that your father and I were not exactly head over heels for each other right from the start. It wasn't exactly an arranged marriage either, but... well. Had he been able to choose freely, he wouldn't have picked me." It felt strange to say it out loud and felt so hard to believe after the last months they'd shared together, now that she was carrying his child, the one child that might have been their only one conceived out of nothing but pure love. "He was in love with Dominique. Daughter of a noble family at the time. Very pretty, smart, crazy about horses... everything a young king would look for."

Eleanor was holding her breath: "What happened to her? Is she... dead?"

Her mother nodded. "Fell from her horse. Suddenly the place at the king's side was free again."  
"And you took it," concluded Liam.

"I did..."

"Even though you didn't love him? Just because you wanted to be queen?"

"It wasn't about wanting to be queen, Liam. This isn't a fairytale. You know, at the time... I didn't want any of this! I was in love myself, with someone else. I was hoping for a completely different life."

"Then why did you do it?" asked Eleanor.

Helena scoffed: "I know you love your grandmother. But you don't know what she's capable of. The family fortune had vanished, we were in deep financial trouble and our name and reputation was on the line. And my mother was not inclined to stand watching everything fall apart doing nothing. She decided to take matters into her own hands. Only she wasn't really the right candidate to marry the young king now, was she... So she dedicated her whole existence to making me into the perfect queen to be."

"And you gave up your dreams to live this miserable, poor life inside the palace," Eleanor, who'd heard the oh-so tragic story of her mother's countless sacrifices for the greater good too many times already, concluded impatiently, "That's a heart-breaking story, mum, but what does that have to do with Domino? Or this woman... Dominique?"

Helena looked away again and bit her lower lip, trying to find the right words. She didn't have to.

"Her death...," Liam said carefully, "wasn't an accident. Was it?"

She took a deep breath and shook her head. Her daughter gasped and covered her mouth with her hand in shock.

"And Domino... these people, they're out for revenge?"  
"Or justice... they'd probably call it. But they chose the wrong victims."

"Who are they?"

"I don't know, Liam... Really! Dominique's family, maybe... the Stewarts. But I have no idea!"

"MUM!" Eleanor was still in shock and she couldn't believe the small talk she was hearing after her mother's unbelievable confession, "You KILLED her? What the hell did you do to her?"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down! Not everyone in the palace knows about this and I'd prefer it to stay that way."

"You murdered someone!"

"I did not!"  
"Yes, you did! And now they murdered dad, and Robert!"  
"No, I didn't!"  
"Then who did?"

Helena's heart was banging mercilessly against her chest, tears were burning in her eyes. The despising look on her children's faces made her feel sick. She wanted to take responsibility for what happened, and didn't want to ruin the warm and loving image they had of their grandmother even if it was a wrong one. But as it stood, it was either her mother, or herself. And she couldn't stand being hated by her children, again after they had finally reconciled with each other.

She cleared her still hurting throat and answered: "Like I said... your grandmother swore that she would do whatever it takes to get me on the throne. Even if that meant removing a rival. One day after a showjumping event my mother drugged Dominique's horse. It went mad and threw her off. An extremely unlucky fall... She broke her neck and was dead as soon as she hit ground."

For a moment there, the twins were speechless. Both of them let go of her hands almost simultaneously. Eleanor shook her head in disbelief: "The duchy? No... That's impossible! I don't believe it."  
"I do," said Liam.

"Anyway," said Helena, "even if my mother was the one taking action... I'm just as guilty. I knew about it. And well, not that I would've been able to stop her, but let's say I could at least have tried a little harder. It's me they're after, whoever they are. Me and my mother. But instead of coming for us, they're coming for those we love the most. To show us how it feels... That's why I want you to stay away from them as far as possible!"

Only now did she realize that all three of them were crying.

"So it was all a lie... huh?" asked Liam, "All of this. The glamor, the glory... It's not our destiny. It's just a lie. It shouldn't be this way. We should never even have been born!"  
"Well, who knows," Eleanor remarked bitterly, "Most likely our father isn't our father anyway, so... who cares about one lie more or less. I for one have lost any sense of who we are long ago."

"Darling, don't talk like that!"

"Then tell us, mum! I want to know... I want to do this test again. For real this time. And in private. No one needs to know the results unless we want them to." He shared a look with his sister and affirmed: "For us, dad will always be our dad. But we want to do it. Not just because we want to know who our real father is. But also to have a chance to save this baby. From the pressure you're under right now to deliver the last king or queen that could save us from the psycho king... or his daughters. To remove the target from your back the Stewart family may have set on you. And just because... to save this baby from this burden. The two of us were lucky enough to grow up without it. Robert wasn't. And look where it got him. He had put on a brave face all his life, but he was miserable inside, and we all know it. I don't want my little brother or sister to have to go through the same, again. If I can help it... and if I truly am the rightful king, I want to know it, I want to be it and I want to do the best I can. That at least we owe to everyone who has lost a loved one in this tragic and ridiculous farce we live in... and to everybody else."


	27. Chapter 27

Hi there! Just a little heads up: I'll be on vacation and won't be able to post any updates for at least the next two weeks. Hope this short chapter bridges the gap at least a little :-)

Cheers & thanks for reading!

* * *

The kid had a point and still... she wasn't sure that he was fully aware of the consequences. She took a deep breath. "I understand you, son. And I appreciate this gesture of yours. And, to be honest, I would wish for nothing more than seeing you on the throne! You were born for this, genes or not. That's where you belong. But let me tell you, darling, that in those months that you were heir to the throne, you only began to get a rough idea of what truly awaits a king. All I ask of you is that you think about it, long and hard. Because once it's done, there is no turning back."  
"I know, mum. And I've thought about it already. I know what's expected of me should it be proven that I am indeed my father's son. And I am ready. I know this monarchy can be great and inspirational again, and I want to take it there."

She smiled, proudly, but with a hint of sadness.

"The thing is, Liam... in the end it's not the destined nor the most capable or even passionate who gets to wear the crown. And if you should turn out to NOT be the king's biological heir, all will be for nothing."

"No... Then at least we would know. You owe it to us, mother. At least that much."

"So, would the two of you be able to carry and live with the outcome of this test, and all its consequences? Be king and princess... or know for sure that you're not Simon's biological children and grew up living a lie?"

Eleanor raised her head and looked proud and strong as ever. "One lie more or less... We're ready for whatever happens. It can't get much worse than this anyway."

* * *

On shaking legs Helena set one foot in front of the other, heading for their private wardrobe. Most of the space was taken by her dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, blazers and lingerie, of course. But she did allow for one or the other of Simon's pieces too. The blue cashmere sweater had always been his favorite to wear whenever protocol didn't call for a suit, smoking or even his royal uniform.

Carefully she took it into her hands, the soft fabric caressing her fingertips. She was lucky: there were still a few short grey hairs sticking to the shoulders. She gently picked them off the piece of clothing and stored them in a little pouch. This should be enough to extract Simon's DNA for the test.

Slowly but surely her eyes filled up with tears. She could still see him in front of her wearing this sweater. She held it before her face and took a deep breath. His unmistakable scent... it still smelled just like him!

She sank down on the bed holding her husband tight against her chest.

It was dark around her. And all of a sudden, she felt a warmth radiating from one corner of the room. Two piercing blue eyes in midst the black. Her fingers sunk deeper into the soft cashmere fabric. She took a deep breath and whispered: "Are you going to haunt me for the rest of my life?"

"Maybe," he answered, "You haunted me all mine... It's only fitting to give back now, don't you think?"  
She sighed: "You're not real. I fell asleep, and it's just a dream."

"Indeed. So why don't you wake up?"  
"No...," she bit her lower lip, "I don't want you to go away. I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too, baby!"

She reached out for him and begged: "Come to me! I want to feel you."

"No," he shook his head, "Not yet. Not now."

Her eyes welled up and she started shaking. Her whole being was aching for him, for his warm embrace and the touch of his hand.

"I'm so sorry, my love... For everything."

"It's alright now. Stop dwelling on the past. Life is for the living."

"Have you ever truly managed to forgive me?"  
"No. That you were unfaithful to me... for decades, yes. At some point. I know you loved me, in the end at least. I felt it deep in my heart. That made up for a lot of things. But if you refer to Dominique... No. I never fully forgave you."

She swallowed hard and sobbed.

"I didn't do anything," she whispered.

"Exactly. But it doesn't matter anymore. She's dead...," she could hear him take a deep breath, "How did they take it?"

"Who? The twins? Well... shockingly okay-ish, let's say. I mean, they were terrified! But I guess after all that had happened lately, their grandmother as a murderess hardly even made the top three."

"And how does that make you feel?"

She shivered. "Well, what do you think? Horrible! Ashamed... those looks in their eyes... completely empty inside."

Slowly and silently he rose from his chair and walked over to her. Finally! He lay down on the bed and took her into his arms, and she immediately clung to his chest. His hand found its way to her belly and a tingling sensation started floating through her body.

"You're not empty inside," he whispered, "Not anymore! You changed so much, Helena. And now, you're full of life. Literally." He smiled.

She sighed: "Who knows for how long... The risk of a miscarriage is still so high. Like last time..."

"Don't think this way! Everyone deserves a second chance. You will keep this child, and it will be healthy and alive. Who knows? Maybe our baby was never truly lost. It just needed a second attempt to come into this world."

She snuggled closer to him and whispered against his chest. "I love you so much, Simon!"

"I love you too, baby!"  
"I will take the children for a paternity test, and I'm certain it will be proven once and for all that they are yours!"  
"Don't worry about it! Not for me anyway. I was allowed to spend my living days believing they were mine. That was more than enough for me. Even though... I did wonder from time to time."

"They're yours, I swear it! Liam especially, he's so headstrong... He won't give up until he found your killer, and justice will be served."

He nodded, not surprised. "He's almost there. He will know very soon."

All of a sudden his facial features changed, became hard and daunting, and his smile vanished.

"But you, Helena... You must be careful! Cyrus was not your most lethal enemy... nor the one closest to you. I'm dying to have you back in my arms, forever and always, on the other side, but not so soon. Do you hear me?"

She nodded.

"Promise me that you will live and that this baby will live."

Another nod.

"Promise me!"  
"I promise!"

* * *

"LIAM!"

He jolted up and looked at him. Jasper looked sweaty, his eyes wide open, shaking. He had to swallow before he continued to speak: "I know who killed your father."


	28. Chapter 28

Carefully she put down her pen and stretched her fingers. Signatures over signatures. How many papers did her husband have to sign during his lifetime? Now it was her turn, at least for a while. Depending on the result of the paternity test, potentially for the next eighteen years until her youngest child would come of age to take the place of the reigning king or queen. At the same time this duty of hers might end any second, when... Oh well. She was still so surprised that her pregnancy survived this horrible attack that she was slowly starting to think that she was actually going to bring this child into the world after all.

Her head was still pounding, and her throat hurt like hell. She'd woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after the encounter with her husband in her sleep and desperately needed to get her mind off things. Getting back to work had been the only thing she could think of. Well, safe to say, the distraction success she'd been hoping for turned out disappointing.

Had the vase not been in her reach as Cyrus' hands were locked around her neck... she'd probably be dead now. It was simply inconceivable. Dead like Simon, dead like Robert. How many other people had to die in order to set the record straight? When would they ever stop? Would there ever be forgiveness for what had happened so many years ago? Would she be able to forgive herself?

A shiver ran down her spine. She yawned and looked up from her desk. She winced, letting out a quiet gasp. Ted Pryce was standing right in front of her, mere metres away. How did he get in here?

"Pryce, for God's sake! How dare you coming in here without knocking?"

"I did knock. Your Majesty didn't respond."

"And you took that is a permission to enter?" she was slowly starting to get furious, "Actually, I see absolutely no reason why I should not fire you right away. Not only did you let my husband get killed, tonight the Queen of England almost got strangled, in this very palace, under the watch of dozens of your security cameras. I had to defend myself to save my life, no one was coming to my aid! I'd be curious for your explanation of how this could happen."

Tears were shimmering in her eyes, but he looked completely unmoved.

"I am deeply sorry, Your Majesty! Tonight I was manning the cameras myself in my office. For just a minute I turned my back, then I saw and immediately came as fast as I could."

"Well, as you can see, even a minute of negligence is too much! This family is under attack, for heaven's sake, I have personally received death threats, and you're just sitting around in your basement? I don't care if you're my bodyguard or my child's, how do you imagine this baby to survive if I am dead? It is your fucking job to protect this family! You're a desaster, Pryce, an utter failure! And I do hope the reason you're here in the middle of the night, aside of your mediocre attempt of an apology, is that you came to tell me that you finally found my husband's killer."

The man took a deep breath and clenched his jaw. He slowly shook his head.

"No... I didn't find him. I don't need to find anyone. Because it was me who killed the king."

Her eyes widened and her whisper was barely audible: "What?"

Just casually, he drew his gun and pointed it right at her. The dim light was reflecting on the polished steel.

"Holy sh...!" Her heart stopped beating for a minute, she jumped up and staggered back against the wall, her chair falling over.

"Put that down!" she tried, miserably.

He merely shrugged. "Nah..."

She started sobbing. Protectively she placed a hand on her belly. "Please, don't hurt my baby!"

"But what are you talking about? I don't want to hurt your baby. I want to hurt you! The baby will just be collateral damage."

Shaking, she ran for the door, only to find that it was locked. Hectically she pulled the door knob, Pryce just snickered: "Try all you want, bitch! This time it's game over for you. A bit improvised, I have to admit... But I had to act quickly after Cyrus almost finished my job tonight. I can't have anybody else kill you before I get a shot at it, and apparently there's quite a queue..."

"Why?" she sobbed, feeling dizzy. This couldn't be happening. She was still dreaming, or yet again! That must be it.

"Why do you want to kill me? Why did you kill my husband? He was always a loyal friend to you!"

"Oh, was he? How loyal was he, when my wife had to die because I had to save his royal ass? How loyal were you? You didn't give a shit about Daphne, neither of you two. No one in your entire rotten, deranged family!"

He inhaled, and it was only then she saw that he was crying too, still pointing his muzzle at her. His voice started trembling. "You took my life that day. All of you! You destroyed everything I had. Because of you my daughter grew up without a mother. And I happen to know that mine wasn't the only family you destroyed. But today, you're finally going to pay, and you can be thankful that I intend to make it quick. So you better stand still so I can shoot you nice and clean right in your pretty face."

She swallowed hard and tried to steady her breath in order to speak as calmly and insistently as possible: "This is madness, Ted, you're in the palace! Unless everybody here is conspiring with you, you'll never get out of this! They'll catch you, and you will spend the rest of your sorry life in jail!"

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?!" he screamed all of a sudden, shaking heavily, making her jump out of her skin, "I don't care! I have nothing to live for anymore."

"Think about Ophelia!"  
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY HER NAME!"

She wanted to reply when finally she heard a gunshot flying through the air.


	29. Chapter 29

The marble floor hit her body hard. And all of a sudden everything was upside down. Was that it? Was she dead now, or dying? She looked ahead, and two dead eyes widened in shock stared right back at her. Only then did she notice the pool of blood that started forming around those eyes. Now, if she could think and see all this.. She couldn't really be dead, could she? Someone had shot Pryce before he could shoot her.

"Why did you do that?" she heard a familiar voice, enraged, on the verge of tears.

It took her a while to gather enough strength to sit upright again after her fall and raise her head to look up. Jasper Frost stood by the door, his facial features unimpressed as always, as he let the gun slide from his grip and drop to the floor. He turned to Liam who was standing next to him, eyes wide.

"You don't know what it's like to kill a man. That shouldn't ever change."

Liam screamed: "He murdered my father!"

"Yes, he did! And now your father's death is avenged. This story ends right here... It's over."

He walked away without giving Liam the chance to reply. He looked after him, completely baffled, then he remembered his mother lying on the floor, who basically just survived the second assassination attempt in not even 24 hours.

"Mum!" he ran towards her, not even looking at the dead man, to support her while she was getting up, "Are you okay?"  
"No! For Christ's sake, I'm NOT okay! I almost got killed, for the second time, this time by the man who killed my husband and has since been living right here next to me, under my roof, sworn to protect my unborn child! And now he's been shot by my daughter's boyfriend, in my office, bleeding all over my floor. And apparently I should even be thankful that it wasn't my own son who killed him."

"It was my right to do it!"  
"Oh please, this is not the Middle Ages, Liam! God..."

By now, people were pouring in from all sides, having been woken up and alerted by the shot. Voices were shouting and talking to her, hands were pulling. She was ushered away from the scene, into her apartments next door. As she was sitting down on the divan, Lucius was telling her how they were preparing for her immediate departure. She had to get away from the palace, and she couldn't agree more. She didn't necessarily agree with Balmoral Castle as a choice for her secret hiding spot. But at least they would refrain from hoisting the flag upon her arrival.

Liam was appearing in her view, grasping her shoulders. "Mum, listen to me! We all have to get away as fast as possible, that's right. But this is not over yet, you know it! Ted Pryce killed the king, but he is not Domino! They are still out there, and they're not done."  
"I know, Liam! But you have to stop doing this. This is not your war to fight! You have to trust me. They may not know it yet, but they are done as far as I'm concerned..."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I beg your pardon, Your Majesty?"

Lucius was flabbergasted as he sat opposite of her in the winter garden of the castle pouring them each a cup of tea.

"I want you to invite the Stewart family. I'd like to talk to them."

"With all due respect, I don't think that that would be a good idea."

"These people have suffered a great loss, Lucius. I have learned what it feels like. They deserve to be listened to. It has been over a week now that we've been hiding up here, locked up like criminals ourselves. I don't intend to keep this state for much longer."

"Your Majesty... these people may not yet have killed anybody, but they are certainly out to do so now that their hitman is gone, or at least they are planning to make the rest of your life a living hell by threatening you and your family, day in, day out. I highly doubt they will be much moved by a discussion over scones and tea."

She sighed and took a sip out of her cup. "I just don't want any more lives to be destroyed! Neither through death nor jail. I just want all of this to be over. Finally..."

"So do all of us! And I'm sure we'll be able to make a deal with the Stewart family that benefits both sides."  
"I don't care much for the sound of that, Lucius. Don't forget I'm well familiar with those deals of yours."

"You have my word that no one will be harmed! Still, our top priority is ensuring the safety and well-being of you and your family. Especially... the future king or queen."

She sat back and looked at him, pondering his words. "It was mainly one man, you said? Dominique's brother?"

"Yes. Even though we have reason to believe other members of the family are involved as well."  
"I want you to make sure the brother is rendered harmless. And no, and I cannot believe I even have to say this, but I don't mean killing him or unethically removing him in any other way! He's just a man who's been deeply hurt and suffering ever since... He has a right to be angry. The rest of his family I want to be left alone."

He nodded his head in submission. "So it shall happen, Your Majesty."

A knock on the door made them turn their heads. As it was made of glass, they could see it was a staff member holding a heavy looking envelope.

"Your Majesty" he said after he had been allowed to enter, "This letter is meant for your eyes exclusively."

She frowned: "From whom?"

"It doesn't say." Nervously, he handed her the envelope and left.

Her heart started beating a little heavier. She had a funny feeling what this letter might contain... She opened it with sweaty fingers and pulled out a piece of paper with shaking hands. She hadn't even fully finished reading the first line of the sender's address when she hastily put down the paper on the table in front of her as if touching it would burn her.

"Is it what I think it is, Ma'am?" asked Lucius.

She nodded. "The results of the twin's paternity test are in."

"And what do they say?"  
"I didn't read."

She called out for the next staff member at hand an ordered the twins to be brought to the winter garden at once.

"What's going on?" Eleanor asked as they entered.

"Have a seat, please."

They sat.

Helena took a deep breath, then tried to produce a smile as she showed them the envelope. "You wanted to know the truth about your father. I hold it in my hands."

The kids gasped.

"I haven't seen it yet... And I want you to know that we don't have to go through with this! We don't ever need to know. I can burn this paper right here, right now."

"No!" Liam replied immediately.

"Or I can put it away, for later..."  
Eleanor waved off her proposal: "Nah! I'd probably search for it and find it while being stoned and post it on Instagram. Let's hear it now."

She carefully looked from one of her children to the other.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to know? Even if this could change your life forever... and all you've known about yourselves..."  
Liam looked at his sister and reached for her hand. She pressed it tight and nodded.

Then he proclaimed: "We're sure."

Their mother sighed and pulled the paper out of the envelope. Lucius was on his way out to give the family some privacy when she handed him the letter.

"Please read it, Lucius... I can't."

He wasn't sure about her request. "Do you really want me to?"

She nodded. Hesitantly he took the paper from her, but she reclaimed it immediately.

"You're right," she said, "I should read it. That's the least I owe to my children. To my husband. And to... the love of my past."

He smiled a little smile and left them alone.

Helena cleared her throat. She was shaking so badly that the paper was bouncing even though she was holding it with both hands. The letters were dancing in front of her eyes and it took a while for her to even decipher what they were saying. Then her heart stopped beating for a second. She swallowed hard.

"What is it, mum?" asked Eleanor.

Liam added: "Please... let's hear what it says. We can take it."

Breathlessly she started reading: "It has been found that... Prince Liam Henstridge is... with a probability of 99.99 percent NOT the biological child of the late King Simon Henstridge."

His features remained stern and calm on the outside, while Eleanor closed her hand over her mouth to silence a sob. She hugged him tight.

But the queen wasn't finished.

"On the other hand... the Princess Eleanor Henstridge IS the biological child of King Simon Henstridge... with a probability of 99.99 percent."


	30. Chapter 30

"WHAT the f...?! That's impossible!" she ripped the paper out of her mother's hands in order to see for herself.

Liam meanwhile seemed lost in the distance with empty eyes.

"It can't be, we are twins!"

"Fraternal twins," sighed her mother, "In theory it's possible for fraternal twins to have two different fathers."  
She had read about this back then when she had learned that she was expecting twins. And indeed, she had wondered for a second whether it was possible that she was carrying two different men's children. Then she had immediately dismissed the thought. Too unlikely to even bother. And yet, here she was...

Carefully she placed a hand on her son's back: "I'm so sorry, Liam."

But Eleanor was not out of questions yet: "Mum, tell me! How is that possible? What does this mean?"

Liam looked at her: "It means that mum slept with two different men at pretty much the same time when she got pregnant with us."

She seemed shocked: "MUM!"

"Oh please! Keep the outrage, you two know very well that I'm not a saint, I never was."

"At the same time?! That's disgusting, mother!"

"Well, not literally at the same time. And don't tell me you haven't done way worse in your young life already."

Eleanor scoffed and reached for a nearby bottle of gin. She did not bother taking a glass.

"Eleanor!"

"Oh, don't act like you have the moral high ground here."

"Maybe I don't, but as it is proven now, you are a princess, you're your father's daughter, and..."

For a moment she paused, then her eyes widened as the thought finally hit her. "Darling," she whispered, "do you know what that means?... YOU are the rightful Queen of England."

Eleanor stared at her, and it was apparent that she hadn't thought of this until now either. Frantically she shook her head as her eyes started filling with tears. She began to stammer and placed a shaking finger on her chest.

"Who... Me? On no... No, no, that's impossible! Dad was endlessly disappointed in me, he told me so, and he had every right to be. I'm no queen! I'm sure he made some kind of law that would prevent me from ever becoming queen. Just check, I'm sure you'll find it."

"Shhh, darling, please!" she reached for her hand and tried to calm her, "It's okay!"  
Well, if she was being honest, it was not okay. Not at all. This was the worst possible outcome, even if both her twins had turned out to be Alistair's children after all, it would have been easier to deal with. She loved her daughter dearly, but... Queen of England? God forbid...

"Listen to me... No one needs to know! Okay? The test results don't ever have to leave this room. As far as the people are concerned, neither of you are the king's biological children, and our baby is going to be the next reigning monarch."

Eleanor bit her lower lip and ran her fingers through her hair. Then she looked at her mother, a tear slowly running down her cheek. "I don't know, mum... I want to make him proud! But... I cannot rule a country. No one would accept me or even take me halfway seriously after all I've done. That was never meant to be my job. It was Robert's, all along. Or Liam's, at least..."

All of a sudden they both seemed to remember the young man who had actually left the room a while ago. They hadn't even noticed. "Liam!"

Helena ran out of the winter garden. She found him standing in the fireplace room, in his hands a framed photograph showing himself, Eleanor and his father... or rather, the king.

"Liam?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper, "I'm so sorry, my dear!"

He sighed, but did not turn around. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. I know you. And you have every right to be angry."  
"I'm not angry, mother! I'm... I don't even know what I am anymore... or who I am."

She gently stroked his shoulders. "You are a young man with a noble heart. You are an inspiration to so many people, and you can make a difference in this world! No matter who your biological father is. You will forever be the king's son."

"And yet, I am not."

Finally, he turned around to look at her. "Do you even know who my real father is?"

Even though the question might have been justified, she was offended.

"Of course I do! Liam, I'm not the slut your sister, your lunatic uncle and sometimes the press make me out to be. I haven't always been faithful to the king, that's true. And I am not proud of it. I've had a lover, for years... decades. Before I even knew him! But only one... ever."

She shuddered as the memories came flooding back, dulling her senses. "He was the other love of my life."

His eyes widened. "Who?"

She shook her head.

"Mum, please! He's my father! You have to tell me."

"I don't think so... We swore to never see each other again."

Or well... something like that. She swore him, at least. What he thought about this, she still had no idea. She had never read the letter he had wrote her back then. Though it was still in her drawer in her office back home, unopened. Waiting for God knows what. But she just couldn't bring herself to throw it away. Somehow it would feel like throwing away her entire past with him. And even though it was over, at least as far as she was concerned, it was still most precious to her. After all, it wasn't all too long ago, even though by now it felt like a lifetime to her.

"Do I know him?"  
"I can't..."  
"Don't you think you owe this to me? At the very least? I deserve to know who my father is!"

"Of course, but... let me think about this first, okay? I want to do it right. Please be patient."

She couldn't believe she was telling him this. But in the end she knew very well that if she wouldn't tell him herself, he would find it out anyway. After all, he exposed Ted Pryce while even Scotland Yard was still in the dark about the king's murderer. And, well, if he hadn't... she would very likely be dead now. So he was probably right, introducing him to his real father might be the minimum how she could, how she should thank him.

But even so... what would Alistair think about all this? Would he even want to meet him, his son? After all this time? Should she ask him before? Maybe it was worth reading that letter after all... Only it was back home, and who knew when she would be allowed to go back home? Would her son be willing to wait that long?

She decided to grant him some time alone and left for her bedroom. She was tired. And she needed to think. It had all been too much at once.

With a sigh she lay down on the bed. The soft cover gently caressing her fingertips. She closed her eyes. Before arriving here a few nights ago, she had never slept in this bed without him. It still smelled like him. Everything still smelled like him. When would it ever stop? And did she even want it to stop?

Blindly, her hand was groping for her phone on the nightstand. Had she actually deleted the number back then? She couldn't remember.

Her eyes opened slightly to squint at the glowing display. No, she did not. Steve O'Connor. There it was, his number. She had picked that fake name in case someone would ever get hold of her phone. Just to be sure. Even though, whoever managed to acquire her private phone and unlock it could probably not be fooled that easily. Anyhow...

Her thumb was hovering over the messaging app icon. Tapped it. Scrolled down to look for his name. Her heart started beating a little faster. If she opened this conversation now, she would be transported back to a long forgotten past, to vows of endless love and one or the other dirty comment of one of them describing what he or she would love to do to the other one right now.

In any case, words she wasn't yet ready for, would maybe never be ready for. She closed the app and put her phone away. Not now. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week. Now, she and her little one needed a nap.


	31. Chapter 31

He knocked for, as it felt like, the twenty-seventh time, even though it was probably useless. "Eleanor! I know you're in there! Please, let me come in!"

To his amazement, she actually opened the door, slowly but surely. And he could see immediately that she had cried. A lot. And she was drunk.

"What the... what's wrong? What happened?"

"Why do you care? You shouldn't... Actually, you should leave right now! Get away from me, as far as you can."

He was completely confused. "What? Why? What are you talking about?"

He closed the door, grabbed her by the shoulders and gently pushed her towards the sofa to sit her down. This probably wouldn't improve the quality of their conversation, but it would at least make it more comfortable.

Sitting down, he casually brushed the almost empty bottle of vodka out of her view. She probably hadn't drunk all of it today, but then again, with her you just never knew.

In the end he had learned pretty quickly that his initial hopes of their relationship leading her towards a less drug and booze heavy lifestyle might have been a little ambitious. That realization had been hurtful in the beginning, yes. But then he started to accept that this was just who she was, that she was going through an inconceivable amount of BS at the moment, and that old habits, after all, died hard.

Still, he wouldn't give up trying. Never.

"Will you tell me now what happened?"

As she replied he could hear the alcohol in her voice. "What makes you think something happened?"

"It's right in the middle of the day and you're completely hammered. Not that that's anything unusual in itself, but lately this hasn't happened ever, and even before that you usually didn't drink THAT much just like that, not without some kind of reason."

She snorted: "Well, Sherlock... Maybe you're right. Maybe you should ask my dear mother... But be careful that she doesn't sleep with you! Apparently she's not very good at keeping her legs closed."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, hey Jasper!" she exclaimed as if only now she noticed that he was there. Her finger was poking his chest at every syllable she spoke, "Did you know that twins can have two different fathers?"

He frowned: "Well... No... Actually, I never thought about this."

"Me neither!" She punched his arm and seemed thrilled to have discovered something new they had in common.

"Eleanor, I don't like what's happening here right now."

"Wait, YOU?" all of a sudden she was furious, "YOU don't like what's happening here right now? Well, YOU don't have to be King of England if I'm not mistaken."

"What are you talking about?"

"Wake up, Jasper! I'm supposed to be the fucking queen."

"What?!"

"Liam is not the king's biological child. But I am! We made a test, for real this time. And turns out, apparently I'm the rightful heir to the throne."

He stared at her and silently breathed in and out, his nostrils flaring. After a while he nodded. "Okay."

"Okay? Are you fucking kidding me right now? That's all you have to say about this?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know!"

"Do you want me to congratulate you?"

"No! Geez, I don't even know if I want to do it."

"Do you have a choice?"

"Of course I do! It must be... If we never tell anyone about this, no one will ever know. There has to be a way out of this. I can't be queen, Jasper, look at me!"

"You can change, you know that?"

She had to laugh really hard. "No, really? Can I? That's sweet of you. Sweet, but stupid. You know what my father told me, shortly before he died?"

He sighed: "He told you how disappointed he was in you."

"Exactly!" Her eyes slowly started filling with tears, "I would be a disaster."

"No... you wouldn't. I know it."

"And how about you? When I'm queen... where will you be?"

He shrugged. "No idea... Far away?"

She seemed surprised, almost shocked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I guess the Queen of England will get a more skilled bodyguard than me."

"I don't mean as my bodyguard, Jasper!"

"Then what?"  
She leaned towards him and looked him in the eyes: "If I am to go through with this... I need you, Jasper. I need you by my side."  
"What, as your... your royal puppy husband? Who always has to walk a few steps behind you and won't be allowed to sit before you sit?"

"Of course not! I mean... not like that! And by the way, when I'm queen, you won't be allowed to sit before I sit, no matter our relationship."

"Well then... let's hope the news never leave this castle, hu?"

She frowned, not sure what to make of this. Then they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Her mother came in, with Rachel beside her, her publicist, the go-to person for all things breaking news and media. The look on their faces made her blood run cold and sobered her up immediately.

"I'm so sorry, darling," said her mother.

And Rachel added: "Looks like someone from the lab had a little chat with the press..."

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Carefully she closed the door behind her and let her head hang loose for a moment. With a sigh she started massging her temples. What a day! Her poor, poor little baby girl! She had been devastated. Within hours people all over the country were rejoicing at the thought of Queen Eleanor. Yes, that's right. Rejoicing! Why had she always tried to keep up appearances and avoid scandals as much as possible, especially those around drugs, sex and alcohol? Who knows... As it seemed, the people loved that kind of stuff! Also, no one seemed to care about Liam anymore. That hurt her even more. And Alistair... Wherever he was, there was no way he could get around this news.

She raised her head and tried to see more clearly again. She startled as she noticed the tall man standing by the window. A shiver ran down her spine. "Simon?"

He turned around and smiled at her.

"Am I dreaming again? Or hallucinating, rather... Am I finally losing my mind?"

"That question would be for you to answer."

"Well then... Why are you here? Or... why am I seeing you?"

"Maybe your conscience wants to tell me something?"

Slowly he started walking towards her until she could almost smell him.

She dropped her gaze and sighed. "Come on... you're a mental projection, or something. You already know what's going on."

"So you don't want to tell me yourself?"

She scoffed. This was just too ridiculous. Powerlessly she let herself sink against his non-existing chest and felt his arms wrap around her.

"I'm so sorry, Simon! I could have sworn that Liam... He's so much like you!"

"No matter what happens, he will always be my son."

"And Eleanor..."

He sighed: "I see so much of myself in her. She will be a great queen."

Helena looked up into his eyes, confused: "But you told her..."

"I know what I told her. But that doesn't mean that I don't believe in her. That I'm not incredibly proud of her, always. I know what she's capable of, and I know how great she can be. I just wish she knew... Could you tell her?"

She frowned: "Tell her? Tell her that I'm going crazy and not only seeing visions of my deceased husband, but also talking to him, and that he told me to tell her that actually what he told her just before he died was nonsense?"

He grinned: "Exactly!"

She sighed and closed her eyes. Tried to savour this moment for as long as it may last.

"It's almost over," he whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"The first trimester. The most risky time of your pregnancy."

He looked at her and smiled. "Just a few more days... and you can be almost certain that our baby is going to live. I told you so from the start, didn't I?"

Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled from ear to ear. She knew that, of course! She took his hand and placed it on her belly. "I still can't believe it..."

"And by now you're really starting to show. If I may say so."

"No, you may not!" She pretended to be offended. But actually, she was kind of proud by now. She couldn't wait for the next months. When she finally could enjoy this pregnancy, without worrying about it every minute of every day.

"Next Tuesday there will be an ultrasound session. We may even find out whether it's a boy or a girl. Will you be there?"

He sighed and gently stroked her hair: "Helena... I'm not real. I'm just a product of your imagination. You must never forget that. Otherwise... you're lost."

She wanted to touch him, to feel his face once more beneath her fingertips. Then all of sudden, he was gone.


	32. Chapter 32

A soft but surprisingly fast thumb-thumb-thumb filled the room. She could but stare with her mouth gaping open. It was by far not the first time she had heard her unborn baby's heartbeat. But this time it was different. It was unreal. And it marked the point in her pregnancy where miscarriage was now officially of very low risk. It was done. She couldn't believe it. She would be a mother again! Half a year from now, she would hold once more such a tiny, delicate and helpless human being in her arms.

She barely noticed how the tears started running down her face.

"Congratulations, Your Highness!" her doctor said.

She barely even noticed the title they had begun to call her since it was clear that Eleanor would become the new Queen of England. Her Royal Highness Helena Henstridge, the dowager queen... Royal still, but nothing special anymore, nothing worth a "Majesty". Oh well. She would have thought she'd care more about this. But as a matter of fact, she didn't. All she cared about was that tiny heartbeat she was hearing.

Eleanor, who was sitting by her side, gently pressed her hand that she was holding. She seemed unusually moved herself. Either that, or she was still suffering from drug and alcohol withdrawal.

Liam, on the other hand, had decided to not join his mother and sister for this touching occasion.

Ever since he had learned that he wasn't in fact the king's biological son he had distanced himself doing God knows what. And all he was talking about to his mother was just one thing...

When the appointment was over, they were walking together, back to their apartments.

"Congratulations, mum!" said Eleanor with a smile.

"Thank you! And thank you for being there. Pity that your brother didn't join as well."

"Oh, you know him... I don't think holding his pregnant mother's hand during an ultrasound session wold be up his alley. Especially because... you know."

She sighed. "Yes..."  
"You know he wants to meet his true father."

"I know. But he needs to understand that Simon was and always will be his true father!"

"Of course, but you know what I mean, mum. Can't you understand?"

"I do understand, darling. But please... please also understand that this is difficult for me."

"But why?"  
"Because... that man and myself... we really loved each other. We loved each other for a long time. Longer than I knew your father, actually. And I basically used him, all my life. Played with his heart, his entire existence. Took him whenever it pleased me. And once it didn't please me anymore when I had finally decided for your father just earlier this year, I dropped him. Without a word. I was too scared... a coward. Actually, he sent me a letter. I never opened it. To this day I don't know what it was he wanted to tell me. I never saw him again."

Eleanor nodded solemnly and gently pressed her mother's hand, appreciating her honesty. She knew she wouldn't get those all too private insights into her mother's heart every day.

"Just think about it, okay? Promise me."

"I'll think about it. I promise."

When the former queen was back in her office for another day of work, she let herself sink on the chair behind her desk, and closed her eyes. Carefully, she placed a hand on her belly, that was slowly but surely starting to show by now, and caressed it gently. The sweet heartbeat of her little one still echoed in her ears. If only Simon was here... even if just in a dream or vision. It was better than nothing.

She opened her eyes to look at his picture that was standing in its frame on her desk. She reached out and gently touched his cheek.

"We're having a baby, my love!" she whispered. "I heard the heartbeat today and saw the tiny thing on the ultrasound screen... Do you know what these can do nowadays? It's crazy..."

She sighed again as the picture didn't answer. Then she looked around to see if he maybe appeared somewhere in a corner, but he didn't. Instead, there was Rachel, smiling down at her.

"Your Highness... Congratulations! I already heard the news."

"Of course you have. Thank you, dear!" she answered, smiling again just thinking about it.

"I just came to remind you of the gala tonight."

She nodded and waved. "I know, I know. I'll go there."

"You used to like these kinds of events once."

"Well, I used to be a different person once."

Her reply ended up coming out harsher than she had intended.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. It's just... stress with Liam. And also..."  
"And what, You Highness?"

She started massaging her temples. "Oh Rachel, I miss him so much."

Rachel sighed: "I know... I know..."

"No, I mean... Yes... But I also, I miss a man."

Rachel was sincerely surprised. About what her boss had just said, as well as about the fact that she was surprised about it. "Oh..."

"You know?"

"I guess so."

"I feel so lonely, I just feel... nothing, most of the time. And I just want to feel something again. And then... the hormones too."

Her publicist thought for a moment. "Well, maybe I could..."

She reacted immediately. "Could you?"

"Of course. But, you wouldn't care who...?"

"Honestly... no. I trust you on this."

She nodded. "Consider it done."

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"Very well, thank you!" … "All is going fantastic." … "The baby is doing just fine." … "Eleanor is very well, thank you!"

She couldn't believe it. Two hours had she been on this gala, looking absolutely magnificent, if she was being honest, and all everyone was talking about was the baby and Eleanor. Most people hardly even asked how SHE was doing. SHE was three months pregnant at almost fifty! She was suffering from nausea, low blood pressure, let alone it was also her who survived multiple murderous attacks not so long ago!

The glitz and glamor, the kiss-kiss, the fake smiles. She clearly remembered how much she used to love events like these, being adored and admired, but right now, even though she was clearly still the highest ranking guest on the list, she found it rather boring, disgusting even. Where were all these people, their true personalities? Did they leave them at the door?

She made a face as she was looking down onto her plain glass of orange juice. She observed the flickering lights of the chandelier dancing on the silverware as she was listening to the string quartet. She didn't even hear Lord Chesterfield who was sitting next to her and kept on talking endlessly about his sore back and knee pain. He didn't seem to care much if she was listening or not.

She let her gaze swing across the rows of tables. And almost choked on her crème brûlée when she saw him.

Immediately her heart started beating faster and her palms began to sweat. What was he doing here? Why was he staring at her? And why was he still looking so beautiful and irresistible?

He didn't seem to know what to make of this encounter either. Also he didn't seem to be aware of the fact that he would meet her here. But just as well, he didn't seem to be able to take his eyes off her either.

Her cheeks started blushing. And she couldn't keep herself from getting up, despite Lord Chesterfield still talking to her, and leaving him behind without a word, slowly walking towards him. He didn't move. She felt her knees going weak.

She cleared her throat before she greeted him: "Captain Lacey."

"Your Majesty," he replied with a bow, "it is an honor to meet you. Again."

"Her Royal Highness is the correct terminology now, I believe. Since my daughter will be queen."

"Indeed. I beg your pardon. We are all very much looking forward to seeing Queen Eleanor on the throne."

She smiled: "Me too. Shall we take a little walk... maybe?"

"I'd be glad to!"

For a while they walked quietly side by side. It felt awkward and good at the same time. Familiar, somehow. And she was drawn to him like a magnet. Even though she couldn't help but think back at all the pain she had caused him over his lifetime. Never would she be able to forgive herself.

"How are you doing, Helena?"

The change in tone indicated that they were now talking true, privately.

"I'm very well, thank you," she replied out of reflex. She didn't think this was the right circumstance to tell him about how much she missed her late husband.

"And how's the pregnancy going? I have to say... it's already showing a bit."

"I know... Everything is going great. This morning I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time!"

"That is fantastic," he said, and she couldn't help but think that he never had the chance to hear his only child's heartbeat. And in his voice she thought she could hear that he might be thinking the same.

"You look lovely tonight, Helena."

There it was again, this tingling sensation in her belly. She took a deep breath, came to a halt and turned towards him. "Alistair... I'm so sorry!"

"For what?"

"For everything! For all those years and for breaking contact so suddenly." She lowered her gaze and added, a little softer: "I never read the letter you sent me... back then."

She winced as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Well, if it's of any help, I'm not sorry for all our years together. They remain my fondest memory that I hold dear. Also... I'm not surprised. I didn't think you would read it."

She looked up into his eyes and felt her own welling up. "What did it say?"

"You really want to know?"

She nodded.

He shrugged: "I was saying goodbye. It simply said that I understand your choice, that I wish you all the best and that I want you to be happy. And... that I always knew you'd eventually choose him."

She was almost shocked by his words and she started shaking a little. Before the tears could start to flow, she wrapped her arms around him and started kissing him, hungrily.

At first he was surprised, but he didn't move away. He pulled her closer and reciprocated the kiss.

Her body was aching for him. She wanted him so badly! But should she?... Could she?

Suddenly, she pushed him away, and he was equally surprised as he was before.

She was out of breath. "I'm sorry," she gasped, "I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay," he said and gently stroked her cheek, "you're going through a hard time."

She couldn't believe how calm he was most of the time. And how understanding. How did she deserve this man's love for so many years?

She felt tired all of a sudden. She wanted to go home. But she didn't want to leave him without a chance to talk about the most important topic of all.

"Liam... I assume you heard that... he is not Simon's biological son."

"I did."  
"And I further assume that you know what this means."

"I do... I'd still like to hear it from you though."

She bit her lip and knew he wouldn't let her go otherwise. "Liam's your son, Alistair."

He swallowed and nodded. And she could swear to see tears glistening in his eyes.

"He would really love to meet you... What do you think?"

As she was sitting in her limousine on her way home, she right away wanted to text her son that he could meet his father whenever he liked. But first, she had to contact Rachel. No matter how much she was yearning for a man's touch, she simply couldn't be with anyone other than her husband. At least not for now. Not while she was pregnant with his child. And maybe not ever.


End file.
